Lets be better people

So I suck at this.. mostly because I know people don't read this. But sometimes it makes me feel better to post thoughts and feelings to the world, even if it doesn't reach a huge audience. That's OK too because everyone is so willing to bash and fight for every opinion..

but anyway.. since I was last here, things have happened. Thanksgiving, Christmas ect.. Both were really good and thinking about thanksgiving dinner just made me hungry lol. I was glad to have a good Christmas, that was all I wanted. No, I didn't get a million presents (or engaged) I just had a nice, non stressful time. Plus Ev has a really good time! so that's what I wanted.

All in all, 2016 kind of sucked. I mean most of us can agree.. we lost a lot of amazing talent in the world.. you know who got elected.. and personally to me, well I lost my mom and Grandpa. but I did meet the love of my life, so there's that.

but here we are, the majority of the way into 2017 and I cant say that it being the new year makes it better. I feel like we are falling upon dark, dark times.  America is divided. which is really terrible. I know who the president is, I'm well aware.. but I'm not happy. I honestly don't understand how anyone can be happy. I can't wrap my head around it at all.. I'm not going to be abusive to anyone who is happy. I just don't get it.

See, I've explained it before. I'm type 1 diabetic. So knowing that everything healthcare wise is about to change.. and not for the better.. back to what is was before.. which isn't OK because it wasn't good for people like me. I rely on healthcare.. I rely on medication to stay alive. I may work 4 days a week, 10 hrs a day but I still don't make a lot of money. I still struggle to make ends meet. So I know if I don't have healthcare, or affordable healthcare. I can't afford to live. seriously. I NEED insulin, I cant go without insulin. I had a malfunction with my insulin pump site and went without it for hours and I was in ICU for 3 days because of it. I was so sick, I seriously could have died if I didn't go to the hospital. So when I turn 26 (If I can even make it to 26 with insurance) and I can't get insurance because of my disease and I cant afford 800$ for insulin (because half the time I don't even get that on a full paycheck) and I go without. Will I risk completely bankrupting myself to go to the hospital, or die? I will have to pay off an ICU visit for the rest of my life, Or choose to die and save myself, and my family from the burden of the cost? Insulin isn't the only thing I use either. back in 1999 using an insulin pump was like 100$ a week. I have had good insurance, so I cant even tell you what it is now but I know for a 3 month supply its couple thousand at least. I can't afford that.

so this turns into a domino affect for me.. I have hopes and dreams for my life. I want to go back to school.. but without health insurance or even affordable health insurance.. I cant afford to go back to school. so that shuts that down right there. That means I will NEVER make the money I need to make.

I want to have at least 1 more child. If I don't have health insurance, I couldn't afford a normal pregnancy, let alone a high risk pregnancy. Being diabetic makes every pregnancy a high risk pregnancy for me. When I had Ev, sometimes I would be at my doctors 3x a week. and with insurance I still had 30$ co pays because I had to see a specialist. (Medicaid saved my ass) so again, this shuts down that dream for me.

Oh, Getting married. I will never be able to have that wedding people dream of. It already seems unrealistic because I know I wont be able to afford it. but if I have to pay  800$ (just guessing) every couple of weeks for insulin, well yeah... you know.

I might not even be able to have a job. I might have to quit and try and be on Medicaid.

Then theres the issue with planned parenthood. I don't get how people are so excited to shut it down. well I know they think its because it "kills babies"

but no.. its not all its for.

I remember having to go there when I had unprotected sex and I wasn't on birth control. (that was before birth control was made easier and more affordable to get and I wasn't on it) and I purchased "Plan B"

so for all of you who think plan B can terminate a pregnancy, well I'm here to let you know that it can't. I have the 5 year old daughter to prove it.

Planned parenthood is for low income women. Not irresponsible baby killers. I think planned parenthoods message is literally planned parenthood. I think they would much rather advocate birth control and sexual health than abortions. which makes TOTAL since right? I know that once I no longer have good insurance, I'll need to go there for birth control options. (if its even still around) because like I said, I'm already struggling.. and it will be worse with the downfall of healthcare. Now before you go and accuse me of being some whore, I'm in a committed relationship. We don't want a baby until we are married and so far, we aren't ready to be married. I'm not religious so "sex before marriage" is not important to me. So I try to be responsible by being on birth control. to be honest, I kind of have to be on birth control because I also have problems with ovarian cysts and I need to control it with birth control pills. So, yeah. 

Also, a lot of people who think "killing babies" is a valid argument, let me just tell you a little story. When I was 19, I found myself pregnant. Even though my ex was OK with being around at that moment, I knew he wouldn't be. and clearly after 5 years and hearing next to nothing from him, I was right. well I looked into abortion. I was young and scared and wanted to know everything I could do. Plus being type 1 diabetic and having to have such a high risk pregnancy was also a dividing factor.  So I looked into my options, because I have the right to CHOOSE. Raising a child, adoption or abortion. well upon my research, I realized I wasn't ok with having an abortion at all. It sounded terrible and was even scarier too me than just telling my mom I was pregnant. I knew that I was a stable person, I had a place to live, a good family, a job and I was never into drugs or drinking. I knew I could do it on my own. and I wanted to be a mom most importantly. and if you know me, you know.. I have a 5 year old! but it really seems the only people who are against abortion are the only people who have never had to face that reality. The reality of being alone through a pregnancy, with health issues. I have, even though my circumstances are FAR better than most women in this world. That's why I was able to keep and raise my little girl. Because I had people and resources and stability. Some women don't. things happen. We have to face the consequences of our actions, and I doubt that abortions are an option anyone wants to choose. I know it would have been devastating and I have sympathy for people who have had to make that devastating decision.  My point is, if you never had to face that decision, then you shouldn't have a say. Good for you to not have to make a terrible choice like that, feel grateful for it. But don't tear people down for it.

Another issue, privatizing planned parenthood is ridiculous. Again this is for LOW INCOME women. If these women could afford health insurance and to see their PCP, then by all means they would. Why are we fighting to help women get birth control? To help take care of STDS that they didn't get by themselves, ahem, men. What will it help to have more women having babies they cant take care of, because they couldn't get the pill? Why have STDS run rampant because somebody couldn't afford to take care of themselves. It doesn't matter if they were sexually active or not. Being a sexually active adult isn't a bad thing. its normal. Planned parenthood is for people who don't make a lot of money, college students (which I was when I got pregnant) women who just don't have the advantage of making a ton of money. I don't call myself a feminist but I believe that women need to have advantages to protect themselves and be able to decided when they are ready to become a parent. hence, "planned parenthood" because believe me, I doubt men are going to buck up and help with birth control..

So lets stop being assholes. Lets stop being judging everyone who doesn't have the advantages that some of us have had.

also, calling people out for protesting is SO fucking beyond annoying. How do you think, we as women got the right to vote? the right to work? the right to BE OUR OWN PEOPLE? Protesting. Letting our voices be heard. I'm NOT talking about riots and looting and violence. That is WRONG.

but we don't have to be happy with the president. We've had presidents in the past who didn't win the popular vote and still got elected.. and guess what? No one liked them when they were president.. hence not winning a popular vote.

So basically we are in a mess here and things are going to get messier. Some of us might not see the end of this presidency. Especially when the pollution gets bad and all these folks with asthma cant afford medication..

so that's my reason for fighting. I want to live. I want to be able to afford healthcare so I can be alive. So I can go back to college, so I can get married and have another baby. I want to have my American dream. I want to be able to see my daughter grow up. I want her to be able to have access to birth control so she doesn't have to go through what I went through. I want her to be able to choose when she wants to be a mom, not to have to make a decision like I did.

So can we stop? Can we be nice and understand that not everyone comes from where you do. Not everyone has had opportunities like some of us had. We all make mistakes and we all make choices that lead to consequences. We need to be sympathetic, we need to understand and realize that we are all different people and have our own paths. We can't get rid of all the bad things and people but we can stand up for what we believe in, we can fight for what we want, what we NEED out of life and we shouldn't tear each other down for it. We all deserve our dreams to come true. Some people have to fight harder and face more obstacles then most and although it isn't fair.. those of us who have an upper hand can try to make those obstacles not so high. So c'mon.. lets be better people.