6 months

The 23rd of this month marked 6 months since my mom has been gone.

It's so surreal. 

Even after all this time. I think a part of me has just buried the loss deep inside, where I can't really feel it. Sometimes when I really do think about it.. I can't handle it. Its too much. Life has gone on and it hasn't been easy. So much has changed. Life really isn't the same anymore. 

I miss my mom.

I miss her a lot. I miss being able to come home and talk to her about my day, and other things. I miss going shopping with my mom. I miss our outings and I miss just hanging out together. If I felt alone, I could go to her. I miss her advice, I miss being able to ask her questions. I could always go to her with things I needed to know, or things I needed to remember (for instance, I have been trying to remember my blood type, weird I know, and I know she would know) I miss being able to count on her for things, well everything. She was always there to help, even if she was mad or sick. She would still be there. 

I wish she could see how much Ev has changed and grown, just in the last 6 months. I wish she could see how Jesse and I's relationship has grown too. I wish she could be there for the future.. to see Ev get old, Jesse and I get married and have another baby. I know shes somewhere watching out but I wish she could physically be here. I wish I could talk to her just one more time.