So anyways, here it goes..
Things have been ok lately. Staying home can be testing at times. Mostly because I have Ev and my dog Rubble in my face ALL day. They are lucky they are so cute because they are very, very obnoxious. I am set to go back to work beginning of December so I just need to enjoy my time while I have it.
My Grandpas 75th birthday was on the 1st. That was rough. It's still hard to comprehend that he is gone. I think I put it off my mind. I didn't see my grandpa on a daily basis but I did see him weekly. Its hard to go and see my grandma sometimes because He's not there. Its kind of a lonely feeling. I try and remember all of the times we had. All of the vacations he took my family on. The road trips. My favorite of all was when he would take me for drives, with my grandma and cousin usually. We would just drive and look at scenery. I loved that. I still love being driven around like that, but it won't be the same. Things just aren't the same without him. I honestly can't let my heart accept that he's gone.
With that said, I'm still struggling with my mom being gone. It will be her 50th birthday at the end of this month. We are going to go to Moab for her birthday (Her favorite place) and spread some of her ashes. Same thing however, its weird that she is gone. I see her clothes and her belongings daily and they are left how she left them. Like we are preserving them for her when she comes back. So its weird when the thought catches me that she wont be back to use them. Its weird that she was here and now shes not.. I don't know how to explain it. but again, things aren't the same without her..
things just aren't the same.
My family feels lonely. My heart feels incomplete.
I feel grateful to have Jesse and Evelyn and my family though. But I wish more than anything that my mom and grandpa were here too.
When will things feel normal?
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