One thing I learned this year
which is important.
I spent a lot of my time being unhappy. Wishing things would change/be different and just waiting around hoping my wishes would come true.
but that's not how life works.
Like I said I was around people who were the same. Just waiting on those better days. It was very unproductive and I can say that I rarely had a good day. I felt stuck and just depressed. I think what I went through with my Ex and my "friends" showed me that I deserve better. I deserve to be happy and DO things I want to do and succeed. That I deserve GOOD friends who are loyal and supportive and positive people who want GOOD things out of life. I deserve a GOOD relationship with somebody who wants the same things as me, who won't use me or make false impressions and play with my head. People who want to grow and do things in life.
I felt like I was stuck in a hole. But when I had the courage to stand a little taller and push myself to climb out. I found my way out.
Sure it was tough to be all alone for that first bit but I really got to focus on ME and what I wanted and I had the time/money to make things happen, like school.
I found some really good friends (my friend Leslie) who was feeling the same way but I was able to get her to come to school with me!
So far dating hasn't been that great of an experience but I know what I want and I WONT settle for anything less.
Some things I can't change. I can't change people, I can't change how they have treated me, I can't change the past and I've accepted it, it is what it is.
I can change my future. I don't have to be stuck in relationships, friendships, jobs or anything like that. So I changed what needed to, and although Work, school and an externship is exhausting and rough right now.. I know that it will pay off later.
I can honestly say for the first time in a long time, I'm excited for the future, waking up every morning isn't a chore. I don't dread coming to work and I look forward to my externship and school! I'm excited to see where all this hardwork will take Ev and I. I'm excited to watch her grow up and I hope that I can set a good example for her.
and for some lighthearted Ev stories
Ever since I started Dental school, I've been sure to take dental care very serious. Ev HATES toothpaste. So the only way I could get her to brush her teeth is with the training toothpaste. My instructor told me what I should do (since fluoride is VERY important) is get the Pink princess toothpaste (Ev LOVES pink) the children flossers that have animal shapes (she loves my floss sticks) So I pumped Ev up about buying pink toothpaste. I even got her Pink mouthwash. As soon as we got home from the store she made me brush her teeth! She of course hated the toothpaste. My instructor told me to add the yummy training toothpaste on top to make it better.
Ev tells me when she wants her teeth brushed. and even with hating her toothpaste she will brush her teeth. She likes her mouthwash and she reminds me give her a floss stick! I love that she is so good about her teeth :)
she also helped me pick out my outfit for the day. I was putting away Laundry and she asked me what I would be wearing tomorrow. I said I didn't know and jokingly asked her what I should wear and she said "A skirt! A pink skirt!" I don't have a pink skirt so I showed her one that I did have and she said it was "Beautiful!" and that I pretty much had to wear a skirt. lol I love that she picked out my outfit. lol
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