The impossible

I really hate dating.

I just absolutely hate it.

There are times when you come across a few people that you kinda like, so you make exceptions.

but seeing as there really hasn't been anyone like that..

my overall feeling of dating is.. hate.

Now hate is a strong word. but right this very moment, hate pops into my big old brain.

I'm just tired of trying to find someone who I can deal with. Someone that I'm attracted to, some I like to talk to and hang out with and more importantly someone who can be around Ev. 

better yet, I have to find someone that I feel that way towards but who feels that way about me.

Impossible, right?

Finding a decent guy is like searching for a good parking spot, they're already taken.. 

In my case it's like searching for the holy freaking grail! No where to be found. Who even knows if it exists? 

I meet guys who almost fit, but they are too old, have girlfriends, ect..

It's just too tiring! 

Then I ask myself, why the hell do I even want to date? Why is it SO important to be with someone? 

and honestly I don't know.

I think it's kind of scary. I think about how awful I'd be in a relationship. I'm grumpy, and I like my space but sometimes I feel like I need a lot of attention. I don't cook, Well I don't try to cook. I'm horrible with cleaning and I look like I belong in a mugshot when I wake up in the mornings. Also putting down toilet seats make me gag. Seriously, theeee grossest thing in the world.

 I could never marry someone! I could never live with someone else!

I'm way to set in my ways.

So I tell myself that I'll be this super cool single lady. But loneliness strikes. I think about how nice it would be to have someone tickling my back right now, and it would be cool to have someone to share all these M&M's with. 

But I'm a strong minded gal (sometimes..) and I say NO to dating. I'm unavailable. Of course my mind will wander back to this subject when the attractive tattooed man shows up to paint the walls at my work but I'm sticking to my guns. I'M NOT AVAILABLE. (by the way, I should probably stay away from tattooed men. This will be a challenge) I won't pretend like I like the lyrics to the love song I've been sent, and I'm going to make up lame excuses as to why I cannot go out with them. Because I'm better at being single. There's a lot of benefits!

for instance:

I do not have to shave my legs.

I do not have to make any form of food or clean any thing.

I don't have to pretend to be in a good mood

I don't even have to brush my hair if I don't want to!

I can be un-lady like.

I can watch all the HGTV I want.

and last but not least,

I can have very unlady-like thoughts about the tattooed man who is painting the walls at my work.

So.. yeah. I'll probably never be asked out again after blowing off the sorry few who are even attempting to date me at the moment. 

 With that said

Life has been awfully boring lately. Its dull and tired and I just need something to shake it up!
NO not dating.

Maybe I need some new friends who actually like to GO and DO stuff. 

I would like to have some fun adventures every once in a blue moon. We could even drink some blue moon to make these adventures!

Or I could do something to better myself, like go back to school (which is a lot like dating at the moment, scary and seems IMPOSSIBLE)

Honestly, I need a miracle.

Oh and you can officially say I'm baby hungry. SO many people are pregnant right now. With baby girls! I keep having creepy pregnant dreams. (I'm NOT pregnant! I've had some doubts with how fat I've been getting lately, but no worries because aunt flow came to visit and congratulate me on not being pregnant, and her last couple of visits have just been annoying) I had a pregnant dream last night, I was scared but SO excited to be having another little girl. I was just embarrassed because the baby daddy was out of the picture this time too (I didn't want to tell him for fear of repeating the past) I honestly don't even know who it was because the dream didn't tell me! but anyways..I always feel the baby rolling around and kicking and its my favorite! I miss that about being pregnant. The baby dream before that I was a surrogate for this girl on my facebook and everyone was worried I wouldn't be able to give her up because I would be attached. Oh, and I was in China and I had dropped my phone down a mountain but luckily I had an Iphone with me.. haha

Weird dreams right?

and I've had another one were I was married and pregnant with a little boy but my husband was quite ugly :/

and then another where I had 5 babies.

yeah Its driving me insane! I don't even know why I'd want another baby, especially right now! (I love Ev don't get me wrong) I just miss my pregnant bump and honestly, I think I miss the excitement of bringing something new in the world. Pregnancy is an amazing and exciting time. While stressful and scary! But like I said life is BORING right now and that's probably why I'm baby hungry. I'm ready for a life change!

who needs a therapist?

with that said its been TWO years since I found out I was pregnant. I long since forgotten the actual day. Bad on my part I know! but it was a stressful event. 

I just remember how scared I was, and how excited I was too.

I was scared for what was going to happen to my body

I was scared that I was going to end up a single mom

I was scared that I was going to be murdered by my family, or well disappoint them.

I was excited for what was going to come. A baby and even the silly thought of marriage popped in my head, or at least a future with that person.

haha stupid me!

but can you believe its been TWO years? and who would have thought that everything would be like this? I feel blessed and happy that things worked out like so. Although life is boring right now, Ev and I still have it pretty good! And I don't even remember life before her? lol its kind of crazy.