Halloween

I hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Mine and Ev's wasn't too bad. We woke up and played and then I had to go to work. Luckily only from 2-6 and then a very nice co-worker came in from 6-10 so I could take little miss Ev trick or treating!

My mom had Ev, as you know she watches her. So After work I headed to my grandparents and my mom was meeting me there. She took FORever to get there. And by the time she got there everyone had gone trick or treating without Ev and I, so Ev and I ended up going by ourselves..

Which I don't know what the hell has been up with me lately but it made me cry. Not the fact that my family went without waiting but that it was just me and Ev. No one else was there to go with us. No one else wanted to be there to go with us.

I think that's the hardest part about being a single parent. 

You'd think after all this time, it wouldn't bother me? 

well it does. 

It's funny when you can imagine a third person there, like that third person not being there feels wrong. Not saying who that third person should be.. because that third person hasn't been around. But it feels like there's a gap missing. A piece of the puzzle gone. I'm not one to care so much about being single but I feel like there should be someone there for Ev. She deserves it.

and that's probably the most heartbreaking thing in the world, because I couldn't make that someone be there.

and it's also a harsh reality to know that no one wants to be by your side. Not even for Ev. that's always going to bug me. always.

but anyways, we didn't make it far. Ev was cold and she wasn't a huge fan. So we went back and she had a blast playing with cars and babies. 

and I also finally got to meet little Hadley!

It wasn't a bad night, just tough.  I don't know what's up with this emotional bullshit business but I need to cut it out before I smack myself in the face! My mom's even noticed I've been mopey because she bought me a dress, and she NEVER buys me clothes.

I was also very excited for all the candy that I'd have.. but now not so much. and I have SO much and Ev will not be eating even half of it. I don't want her to get a nasty candy obsession but she is my child.. haha

But now it's November and its time to be THANKFUL. I like the whole  be thankful for one thing everyday and today I'm thankful for, of course

EV.

Seriously, this girl is my WHOLE life. Shes the reason I laugh, she's the reason I smile, shes the reason I roll out of bed every morning. Shes the reason I work as hard as I do and the reason why I want to work harder and harder. She's changed my life and she adds so much joy and happiness to my everyday that it makes me cry to think about it.
for instance the other night as I was rocking her to sleep, I looked down at her and it made me cry because I just love her so much (and I'm in a weird emotional state at the moment, I blame the weather) And she just cracked the sweetest smile like she was saying she loved me too. It made me laugh and she giggled back. Honestly the sweetest little moment of my life. I'll cherish that one forever.