So.. sorry about the angry post last night. If you couldn't tell. I'm stressed the eff out. It really does seem I can't catch a break. Of course those brief moments where Ev smiles gives me peace in my heart but I seriously feel like I'm on a very fast, scary ride and I just can't seem to get off of it. It could be worse, it really, really could. I'm just ready for peace in my mind and life.
But on the other hand, I finally went to the diabetes doctor yesterday. I've been dreading it since I haven't been taking care of myself. Luckily I'm not doing as bad as I thought, but I'm still doing bad. I do like my new Endo though (Endo as in endocrinologist. Just in case you're a non-diabetic and have no endocrine system issues) She didn't make me feel like a little kid in the principles office. I loved my last doctor but he made me feel that way. I think its because I saw him since I was 7 years old and he kind of has to be a principle type person. But anyways.. They tested my feet. Poor lady had to touch them.. (I'm in desperate need of a pedicure and I have been since well.. February) My feet are perfectly fine. They adjusted my carb ratio and other cool diabetes things. I was completely honest with her too. I didn't feel like I needed to lie about testing my blood sugar because I haven't even tried and I've been to stressed out to care. but I really do want to do well with my diabetes. Its just become last priority after giving birth. Ev is first priority and everything else is before diabetes.
We had to switch Ev formula. She was spitting up so much and she wasn't gaining weight. The doctor thought it was acid reflux but the medicine made her sick. So we swicthed to the sensitive kind. So far so good. She still cries a lot though. Hopefully it will end in a couple weeks. They say it usually does once they're 3 months. So lets all pray that happens! She seems a lot happier though. She has times where she will just chill out and lay and a lot more moments of smiling and happiness. She actually smiled at something i did yesterday! It was such a cool interaction. She loves when I make some obnoxious sound. I try to mimic her sounds and she will repeat the sound after me! It's really cool and I love that little face. She almost giggles too. Can't wait for that day :)
In good news I've lost three more pounds! I know weigh almost 20 pounds less then I did before I was pregnant. I feel so lucky that I was able to bounce back from pregnancy. It wasn't healthy though. I lost a lot of weight due to stress and postpartum depression. So I by no means look any better. I need to work out but I have no time at the moment, well until I can at least get used to the new schedule.
Also I've been seeing everybody pregnant pictures and hearing all their stories about being pregnant and it makes me miss it so bad! I loved being pregnant up until like 32 weeks. then I was just uncomfortable. but I really miss ultrasounds and seeing my baby turn from a tadpole to an actual baby. Those first kicks and seeing her move around and just feeling good about my body. Ahh. It makes me want to go through it again almost but then I remember labor and I don't know if I want to. Plus I'm not married and I refuse to have another baby until I'm married. For now I'll have to sit back and enjoy hearing about other peoples pregnancies and be happy for them lol
No comments:
Post a Comment