Truth be told..

I'm really bothered right now. I know I post pictures of my baby all the time, but she's my baby. I don't mind his family posting pictures of her either but it bothers me that people I reeeeeaaaalllly do not want to see them, can see them. and it irks me that they "like" the photos and some even comment. I wish there was a way to have these people blocked from these photos but I know it would be taboo to ask.
and to be honest, I only have the rights to post pictures of my daughter because I'm the only one on the birth certificate..
and I know I sound like a bitch that I wouldn't let him be on the birth certificate.. but if you have read my blog over the last few months then you would know why hes not on the birth certificate. I would have added them on there when she was a year if he proved himself as a good dad and showed that he could co-parent with me but well.. obviously that didn't work out.
and I know that I've probably been made out as some mean baby mom but I really haven't been. Wouldn't you be mad if someone lied to you while you and your daughter were in the hospital and left you and went to party and got a girlfriend? I would hope so..
Its also been made out that I somehow keep my daughter from him. which I'm going to clear the air. I never have, and never intended to keep Ev away from anyone. I even told him that. He never asked to see her. One time he asked me "can I ever see our daughter?" and I said yes.. and he never set up a date to see. Instead he went off on me that he gets to have a separate life and theres nothing I can do about it.. really? Why are YOU entitled to a separate life? what would happen if I had a separate life from our daughter? She wouldn't be taken care of..
So apparently I'm a bitch and I' keeping him from his daughter.. right.
Well like I said his mom came to visit and when she was here she asked if he could come and see her. I said yes again. I was told she would have him call me. Did he ever call me to set up a time to see Ev? Nope.  Guess who contacted him to see her? me. and when he came and saw her, how long did he stay? about 15 minutes.

The reason I'm so upset at him is because he promised me that he would stay in the hospital with me and Ev the WHOLE time. Did he? no. He left as often as he could and he fed me lies. Like his truck being broken down, actually meant that he met his new girlfriend. He needs to fix his truck means he needs to take his girlfriend to olive garden. Which is funny because he promised to buy a bouncer for Ev but he couldn't afford it at the time but yet he could afford olive garden? Umm alright then lol. I'm not mad about the girlfriend. I'm mad about being lied to, I'm mad that he had the nerve to go out and party when his daughter was in NICU. yeah she was in Newborn intensive care unit. and he still found that partying and drinking was more important. Am I wrong to be upset?

Now I'm being threatened with court. like I said I NEVER said that he couldn't see her. I've let his family come and see her without any hesitation. He also liked to mention how much he doesn't care about me or wants to "deal with me" Uhh okay? what have I ever done?

All in all this is a HUGE mess and it really doesn't help with the good old baby blues. I think its what threw me into baby blues.. I'm just so bothered by him because I thought we had a good thing going and were becoming good friends there for a minute. Boy was I wrong..

Luckily today my mom decided to make me leave the house and go and get my haircut. So I drove for the first time in like a month and went to the hair salon in stansbury and got my haircut! The lady who cut my hair was very nice and she listened to my sob story. and she shared the same opinion with me, since she was going through something similar. She said to forget about him, all hes trying to do is get attention from all the drama and make me out to be the bad person so he can be the good guy in disguise. Which I believe is true. I really don't want to sit here and bad mouth him and thats not my intention. All I'm trying to say is, I've done what I could do and its never going to be enough for him. He doesn't want to take care of a baby, he just wants to see her once in a while and call himself dad of the year. but I won't allow him to take credit for the hard work I've done. If it wasn't for me.. that baby wouldn't be taken care of. All I want is a little respect for all that I've done and all that I do. I carried that baby, I delivered that baby and I take care of her until I'm falling over exhausted.  and I've done it all and by myself. I think I deserve a little respect for that, Eh?

But anyways.. it is what it is. If he wants to take me to court. then I guess let him. I've done nothing wrong and all I've done since I've had her is been with her. I've only left her twice in the almost 3 weeks I've had her. I would never keep her from the people that love her and want to take care of her and I never tried. but I will fight for my little girl because shes my whole life. Again.. I don't have a separate life. Without her, who would I be? nobody. Who would I have? no one. So I will not let ANYONE take her away from me. She needs me and I need her too. I will also protect her from anyone I find unsuitable.. hence why I don't want certain people to see her pictures. So if I'm wrong then tell me, but I've honestly tried to be nice but what more can I do?