Day 2

Day 2.. went down fairly well. No screaming fits from the babes, but mostly because I didn't try to booby feed her and just let her drink my milk from a bottle. Well I guess we will call the compromising.
I had to take my little lady to get her billirubin tested and guess what? Its still down! yay, good job Evee!
and she got her first bath, well her first bath at home. She hated it, and she pooped in the tub. She hated it all the way up until she got her clothes on and her hair brushed. She LOVES her hair brushed. She hated it in the hospital because her poor little head was so swollen but now it soothes her.
I felt bad for her poor little head (which now looks relatively normal) She was so swollen at first it was kind of scary. She looked pretty weird for a couple days. Poor kid, that's what 4 hours of pushing with no results gets ya. Sorry babes.
I actually managed to eat something today. (NO I'm not trying to starve myself) I'm just not hungry.
I think that has to do with the piles of stress I had to deal with the past few days. And no its not all new baby stress. I'm sure if you have facebook and you refer to the person I have been complaining about for months then you will know what stress I'm talking about.
yes, I was fucked over while in the hospital recovering from surgery. After letting go of everything that had happened before and moving forward. and that is what I got. That is what my daughter got. I'm honestly so hurt and angry that I can't even yell, I can't even talk about it. And this person has tried contacting me and was nice but I just can't say anything back. I don't think I've ever been mad enough at someone just not to talk to them and ignore them. Last time I made it very vocal how I felt. Oh well.. At least there are no "what ifs" but I do regret a lot about who I let in for Evees birth. I would type up the story but I'm seriously so angry and hurt and embarrassed by it that I just want to forget that it ever happened and move on. I gave it everything i had to be a forgiving person and to be a friend, co-parent. I guess it didn't matter.

but anyways.. I want to let all of that stuff go and move on and talk about me and Ev because that's what really matters now huh? DUH.
So anyways. I think I mentioned before that I've got a little bit of the baby blues. I think its because of all the changes that had just happened. I'm in a lot of shock that I'm a mom and I have a baby. I mean you have all of this time being pregnant to have it sink in that you'll have a little baby to care for, but does that really sink in? can you ever really prepare to have a baby? I don't think so. I mean I'm pretty prepared with stuff, and I thought i had mentally coached myself to be a mommy but I honestly had NO idea what it takes. Its A LOT of work. who knew something so little could be so much work?
I really do love this little girl though, and even though its been two days I have put my all in to being a mommy. It sucks that I need a ton of help to be a momma right now but eventually I'll gain my independence in being a mom.
Millions and millions of women have done this before. I can do this..

Also like to mention that baby girl has been here a WEEK. A whole week already?! It seems like its been forever but she still feels so new.. Crazy..