The worst people are in disguise

The world is full of bad people. I've known this but usually you expect these bad people to have a warning. Or at least look bad. Its true that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover because I've met people that look "bad" but these people aren't. They look like they could beat the hell out of me and they probably could, but the thing is, they wouldn't. Why would they? No matter what people look like or what they do, I try my very, very hardest to be nice and respectful. Even if I don't agree with their lifestyle. If they aren't hurting me, or anyone else, then I have nothing to say. I give people respect so I can get it back. I try not to talk about people in a cruel or degrading matter. even if someone has done something degrading to themselves, its not really my place to say so. If I think people are nice and someone is calling them something mean, I'll try and stick up for them, because their "nice". I'm the kind of gal who wears a smile on my face because I don't know who's looking and I don't want to seem like a mean bitch, because I'm not.

this hasn't gotten me anywhere, obviously.

see in high school there was a girl, I didn't know her all to well, but she was very nice and seemed to be a nice person. People called her slutty and gross and would say that she was disgusting because she slept with other peoples boyfriends and thought she was pregnant blah blah blah. Like I said, I thought she was nice so I would always defend her and say no way! Little did I know that two years out of high school during the hardest period of my life, this girl would make a reappearance. Dating the boy who got me pregnant. It irks me that she knows that I'm pregnant, its irks me that she knows that by doing this she is ruining a family. It makes me ill that she "likes me" and feels bad that shes dating him. Well if you feel so bad, why are you doing it? I mean you could wait 4 more months maybe? he'll still be here. Have a little respect huh? It seems to me shes a little on the selfish side. Now when you put yourself and your feelings above anything else then that's selfish. I understand that she "likes him" but if she likes him so much then she can tell him to call her in 4 months. Like a decent person. I hate to be judgemental in this but I'm seriously sick to my stomach that she could do something like this. I can't picture in my mind anything cruel that I could have possibly done to her. I've never hurt her or called her names. I've never done a damned thing to her and yet this what I get in return?

and to the guy in all of this. I understand that people like him because yes, hes a fun guy. He likes to tell me I'm crazy since I find him such a bad guy because no one else does. But what good person can use someone, lie to someone, and then abandon them at the worst possible moment? What kind of person can call someone a slut for sleeping with them, when he knows my history and knows that I was pretty innocent until I met him. What kind of person can get someone pregnant, leave them and date someone else right in front of your face? what kind of person?

If I'm wrong tell me. If I'm wrong for being upset and hurt and destroyed from all of this, tell me. because its not fair that I want to die from all of this. Its not fair that I want my life to end because I can't escape the mean things people do. I've tried all my life to stick up for people who deserve it. Why can't people stick up for me? Why are people justifying him partying and sleeping around? would I be justified if I did that right now? No.. mostly because I'm carrying the child but if I were to drink I would be damaging myself and my child. That's pretty bad and of course I'm not selfish enough to do that. Then why is it okay for him to do that stuff? Him drinking may not harm our baby but him being out drinking and dating is harming ME which is harming our BABY. Does no one get that its wrong? Does no one understand that?

I must be crazy since I'm the only person who sees that its wrong. Granted I'm the one going through all of this but hell, I knew it was wrong BEFORE too.

Somewhere a long the line, I must have done something pretty awful to deserve this. Well I guess sleeping with someone like that is the reason. Because yeah it was disgusting and slutty on my part, and yes I feel unmeasurable guilt for that and I always will. but I didn't mean to get pregnant, I didn't mean to do any of this. I just tried to make the best out of the situation and work with him to make this all work. He took from me and spit in my face and ran off with everything I had. He took my self-worth, my happiness and virtue and threw it away. I'll have to work hard to get that back. I'll have to work to feel worthwhile again. I'll have to work hard to be happy again.

I made a mistake, I made a big mistake. I dabbled in with the Wrong person and I let him get the best of me. I let him take everything and leave me with nothing. I did that, and I'll admit it. It was stupid. I'll be punished forever from this. I'll always feel like a trash bag for what I did with him and I'll always feel like scum no matter what I do. I'll always be hurt and I'll always be waiting for the next hell storm to happen. That is my punishment for being stupid and slutty.

I get a daughter though. and I vow to teach her to not make mistakes like I made and to watch out for people like her "sperm donor" and that girl. Because those are the bad people in disguise. and they will get you when your at your weakest. I'm going to teach my daughter to know right from wrong and to not be selfish. because the world needs people like that. not people like them.