my life just sucks. simple as that. I know I should be all excited to be having a beautiful baby girl and not care about all the shit that happens. But seriously WHAT THE FUCK? 719$ to fix my car, that I HATE and want to get rid of. When I get it back, the turn signals don't work. yeah they don't work. Well I guess I'll have to sell my first born to get my car fixed, and I'm sure my family will make me. Jesus, its like this car won't just go away and leave me alone. All I want is a car that runs good, this one doesn't. I can't even describe the passionate hate I feel about this car. More money has been put into fixing this car then its worth. Lets see I bought it for 6,000 and so far we have paid 9,000 in repairs and it still needs MORE. not joking. its a 2004, hell I've seen 1998 Saturn's run better and longer then this piece of shit.
I'm just sooooooooooooo sick of all this bullshit happening. Everyone keeps telling me how its going to get better and things are going to be okay, and it never is. It honestly never is. It gets worse and worse and worse. I try the whole positive outlook bullshit and it does nothing. It seems like when I finally feel good about things, hell breaks loose. What the fuck is this? Is it like funny to God to make my life such a piece of shit? really? Holy hell, whats next? I'm sure its going to be 1,000 times worse then this and then after that something 100,000 times worse will happen. Yeah, its true. Story of my life, how things work. I'm probably going to get jumped by him and his girlfriend now and they'll beat the hell out of me and steal whats left of my bank account. and then my foot will fall off. because that's how things go in my life. pessimism
I really hate to be so pessimistic but really, I'm sick of everything fucking up in life. I'm sick of things being shitty and hard. I'm sick of being angry, upset and hurt. I know that a positive attitude can change it supposedly but it really hasn't helped. I think when I get a good outlook is when the worse things smack me in the face. I get sick of being told things are going to be okay, are they? Cause from whats already happened, I can see that its not. I'm trying here to be happy and calm and good, but I'm the verge of a meltdown, I mean I've had like two this past week and I'm sure there are going to be more. I'm just trying to not to go absolutely ape shit and destroy something (like my car). uggggggh
by the way IHC just called and I swear to God I thought they were going to tell me that my kidney results came back and I'm in kidney failure or have cancer. LUCKILY they just wanted me to do a survery. but ya know, Kidney failure seems pretty damn possible right now.
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