Sorry for the dose of pessimism.. it was a little much

So I sound like a horrible person from my last post. Well if you haven't noticed, things haven't been going to well for me lately. I just get down when I think about all the cruddy things that have happened. Like really? all of this can happen to one person, in less then a year? I really wish things could be at least decent to where I could make it look like sunshine shines out of my ass. But then again, I'm a little to open and honest and I can't make things seem sunshiny and happy if they aren't. I'm just really tired of the world crashing on me, I'm tired of taking emotional blows. Its even worse when the person who does all this, doesn't care what he's doing. As long as hes happy, then he doesn't care what happens to anyone else.
Its just been a lot for me to go through. I've been through pain and betrayal and hurt before. But nothing I've been through before has compared to this. This is truly hell. and just when I think I see light.. well, things take turn for the worst. It feels like I almost free from all of this, but I can't reach the key to unlock myself.

Evee will be worth all of this though. She's the light. I know things won't automatically get better once shes here. They might actually get worse.. but at least all have her here and I could hold her and kiss her and snuggle her through all the pain. She won't hurt me or break my heart. Shes someone I'll be able to love forever and know that she will love me too. I already love this little girl with all my heart and shes my whole world, even if shes floatin in my belly.

I just want things to be okay, not awesome, not great, not fabulous or perfect. Just okay. I just want to be able to wake up and feel okay and have an okay day and not cry myself to sleep, or have a meltdown. I just want to be okay. For now, things aren't okay. I'm alive and not physically hurt but everything else is worn down or broken. I feel like a sinking ship. I'm trying to feel better, I'm hoping and praying and working towards being okay, but things just keep happening.