a little to late

I probably shouldn't watch 16 and pregnant. A. because the labor parts scare the living hell out of me and B. the boys piss me off.

Plus the girls are pretty stupid... see I can't say that I was 100% smart about everything but I didn't plan on a perfect happy marriage and a perfect happy baby. oh know. Surely I didn't think things would turn out to be this way but well.

See my attitude right now is Just get rid of the guy! seriously, his child and you are not his main concern, even after the baby is born. He can say how he will be there and how hes going to be the best dad EVER. but its a lie. His friends will come first, partying and his "youth" will come first. Plus he works, so he deserves to be with his friends. DUH. Why does he have to work and then come home and spend time with you and the baby? how unfair. He should be able to party and drink with his best buds.

Uhh no, actually. Let me break this down. If your to much of a dipshit to use a condom and you get a girl pregnant, then its time to grow the fuck up. Sorry party time is over, your friends are no longer your main concern. Your child is. Fuck you for thinking that working 10 hours is such a feat. I know actual MEN and FATHERS who work a stressful full time job AND go to school full time on the side. They still have time for their families and they spend all their free time with their family. I'm sure theres other things they would like to do for themselves, yes.. but they don't because their kids come FIRST. Taking care of your child shouldn't be such a fuckin chore, it should be something you want to do because that's your child. being there for your kid and your girlfriend should be important, if your friends are really friends then they will be there for you, whether or not you can be there in person.

See when I got pregnant, I didn't exactly lose any friends but hanging out, partying and all that stuff wasn't important to me. Its still important to them so yes, we drifted. Things changed for me once I knew my baby was on the way. I want to be home, I want to focus on taking care of myself so my baby can come out healthy. I want to focus on preparing for a baby by saving my money and buying baby stuff. Even after the baby is here, I doubt that I'll have the urge to party and be out all of the time. Sure I'll go out occasionally, but its not important. Nothing of that nature is important anymore, theres no purpose to it. To the boy who will not be named, its still important to him. Hanging out, drinking, and doing stupid shit is all he cares about, its all he'll ever care about. Despite what he says "I'm going to be there! I'm going to be the best dad I can be" "nothing will be more important to me then this baby". I know better. Because he also said that he would be there for me "No matter what" is he here? Uh No. has he been? for about the first two months.. but in the past month? Nope, not really. Well enough for him to feel morally acceptable but not enough that its actually morally acceptable. Hes immature, hes stupid and He will regret this all. When hes still partying at 35 and has nothing to show for himself, well what can I say? I'm not going to be dragged down with him. If he can't see whats important and if he can't grow up, then bye! I can do this on my own, thank you very much. You may say that babies need a mom and a dad, but that's not true. I was raised for 7 years without a "dad" and when I got  step-dad well, things for me didn't get better. It was more of dealing with some dipshit who thought he could boss me around. A child needs at least ONE loving parent but I can be the ONE loving parent. Plus Ev has my mom and my whole family to love her too. Sorry but if you can't grow up, then we don't need you. I know your friends are super important but isn't your child just a tad but more important? well by the way you act now, not really.

Plus I'm being treated like I tried to trap the guy into marriage. Uh hey stupid, I said I wanted to get married one day, but to you? Uhh fuck you NO, I want to marry a MAN. seriously? when I say "we have to do this together" I don't mean that I want to be your girlfriend. I mean that you have to physically and emotionally be here with me AS A FRIEND to raise this child. Do you honestly think I want to date you again? Are you really that vain? What in the hell do you bring to the table that I just absolutely have to have? Do you honestly think that I want to be with you so I can clean up after you, cook for you, clean for you? Uh no, I barely want to do that for myself. And now I have a baby that I'm going to be doing that for, but you? Uh I don't like you that much. I never have liked you that much, so get over yourself. You're not as awesome as you think.

Oh and if you think that having a girlfriend was preventing you from party time, what the fuck do think having a baby means? Uh NO party time. That is if I let you be here. As far as I'm concerned you can party whenever you want now. I think I'm getting the better end of the stick, yes its a lot more work and pretty much no play but I think its a better deal in the end. Have fun with your beer and sluts. Because thats all you'll have in the end is empty cans and shallow girls. good luck with that homeboy, sorry you missed out on a little girl who would love you forever and a woman who could very well have done the same thing.

She may not be here yet, but from what you've done and shown me, your not worthy of being around when she is. You will NOT break my daughters heart, you will NOT disappoint her. I'd rather her not know you at all then to be hurt by you like I was. You want to grow up and be here now?

It may be a little to late.