what's the point?

There comes a point in my mind where I wonder what I'm really looking for. 

I feel like I'm searching endlessly for something. I don't know what it is, I don't know where I'll find it but it's driving me nuts.

All the while I'm trying to find a voice to get some form of message out to all these people.

and what exactly am I trying to say?

Look what's happened to me! Look what I've done with it!

maybe so, but truth be told, no one cares. No one really cares unless you're failing. Then your worth some form of talk. I'm not a failure and I'm nothing special, so I'm not really worth a damn. Why can't making a normal fucking life after a shit drama storm has happened be success? I feel like It was a miracle.

My faith in humanity has severely declined. I just don't trust people and I don't see good intentions in much people. Now I can't say this is true, but I'm too tired to find out. I just don't want to deal with any of it anymore.

If I couldn't feel loneliness I think I'd be happy. I'd never bother with anyone outside of my family again.

I don't want to be so pessimistic. I feel like its wrong, but I don't want to be optimistic either. I just don't want to care about any of this and be left to think about what matters. 

I'm just done with trying to be friends, trying to keep up with appearances and trying to get my story, my mind, my life into some projection. 

Mostly because no one really cares and I'm sick of feeling let down by that. I'm sick of trying to show everyone I matter. Because not everyone feels that way. I feel that way about other people, but its not always the same.

I'm done with the let down of it all. I'm tired, I'm bored and I just can't stand it anymore. Seriously, what's the point?