warning:this is random as hell

It's one of those times when I think about this last year and what it means. This past year has been the hardest, but also the most meaningful. I've learned a lot.

It's hard to take in reality of what life has been. It's hard to know the reality of everything I've been through and everything I'll go through. It's not easy, and I never expected it to be. It's easy for people to write off how I feel, they'll never understand why I feel the way I've felt. Hell, I don't understand why I feel the way I felt. All and all I feel like I've dealt with all the anger and pain on my own. I know that it will never go away. Apart of me will always feel that hurt but its not what it was when it begun. It's faded and sometimes I don't even think about it.

I know that know one will understand what I went through. Some may think its silly I even cared so much. But what do they know? Most of them have never been through what I went through. We all have our own experiences, some may on the outside seem harder than others but in reality we all feel the same way when something shitty happens to us. To each their own and we all get broken down in our own ways.. but we've all broke down before. We should respect that from one another.

I just look back at this beautiful experience I had been blessed with and It was plagued with anger, sadness and bitterness. I wish I wouldn't have let it consume me like it had but I did. What else could I have done?

but here we are.. at the year marker of this whole years journey. To the place it all begun. Who would have thought, we'd end up here? And looking back on that storm, I sometimes wonder how the hell I even made it out. It's like going back to the scene of a wreckage and seeing what was destroyed in this storm and what was left standing. I was left standing.

and everything can be re built. You pave out what is unrepairable and you build up what is repairable. Although someplaces you start from scratch, but the choice is yours on what you build. And I feel what I've built for myself is a foundation for what the rest of my life will be. And if I know one thing, I know where I stand. Things aren't where I want them to be but everything is a work in progress and a complete mystery.

but like I've said before and I'll say it until the day I die.. Life goes on. and when I die.. life will go on. You can sit there broken and watch the world grow around you or you can grow with it and become as beautiful as everything else. I think that's what life is about.. just going on with it and building up and on with everything you have come across.

Sorry for this random ass, weird post.