just a phase

I feel like there has been a "Kick me!" sign taped to my back. It seems like I'm getting kicked down everywhere I go.

I guess its just a phase. I hope its just a phase. I hate being sad.

I just want to have a happy life. I want to be able to go on and leave the past as the past. I want to be happy.. I want Ev and I to be happy. That doesn't mean finding someone to complete our family. It just means for us to move on.

I know it takes time for things like this to heal, but its been a long time now. Why am I not better? I feel better but sometimes it all floods over me and the anxiety consumes me. It's like a dark cloud that's never far behind.

It bothers me how one person can change your whole life. Seriously. I mean he gave me my baby, and that changed my life for the better but he also took a piece of me that I'll never get back. He cut up my spirit a little bit. He changed a part of me and not for the better. I notice I have a lot of anger. I get mad a lot. I have a a heart full of pure rage and hatred. I'm not a fan of that. I think that its a very ugly thing to have and I wish I could get rid of it.