whenever it comes.

I don't want to be all weird and sentimental about life, but I'm in one of those moods tonight
I don't think that I'll ever be over everything that's happened. I feel like I should because well, he is. I'm sure he had everything hes ever wanted.
but one day I hope he looks back and regrets it. Do I think he will? probably not. I want to prove how bad of a person he is. But I think he does it himself. And sometimes I think, "what if hes not a bad person?" in some ways he's not but to me and to Ev, he was. and I wish people understood that.

The thing I really need to get over is that white picket fence dream. Where there's a mom, a dad and beautiful babies and even a cute dog. I dreamt of that with him because well, we had a baby together. It wouldn't be the way I pictured it and I know that but something in my brain refuses to put it together for that Aha! moment. I mean I could have that with someone else, but it wouldn't be Ev's other half. I bet I won't feel that way once someone does come along.

or I could be single forever.. which won't necessarily be a bad thing. but It'd be nice to have a handsome hunk to cook dinner for. Sometimes.. lol

Life is funny though. I know why I never ended up with him.. I just don't understand why I had to have Ev with him and i couldn't have her with the man I'm suppose to be with. I know she wouldn't be her but somehow it all doesn't correlate. But that's another funny thing about life.. it doesn't make sense until much later on. Until it's over, or right before it is. I guess it will make its presence known when the time comes.

..whenever the time comes.