Hate

I'm glad I'm going to counseling tomorrow. I really am. I'm so tired of caring about my ex. I want to move on from that whole thing. I have so much anger towards him, so much anger about what happened. I hate the fact that he gets away with being a dead beat dad. I hate the fact that he makes up lies about me and why he doesn't see his daughter. It bothers me so much, I wish I could tell the whole world the truth so they could hear it. Although I know not everyone is going to side with me. I hate the fact that he sleeps with the girls who he slept with while I was pregnant, even now. I hate that he can sleep with whoever, whenever and get away with it. I hate that he can get away with everything. I hate that he has no consquences. I hate that no one can see him for how he truly is.

But I want to not care about all of that anymore. Because he's not in mine or Ev's life and he will never be in our lifes. So what does it matter? Its not my place to worry about what he does with who. Its his life. Although he does owe resposnibilty to my child but based of his lifestyle.. its better he remains out.

I don't know him anymore. I never really knew him I guess. He doesn't matter anymore. He left us and that's that.

I'm praying counseling will help me get over everything. He seriously fucked me up. I'm so hurt by everything still. Its not as fresh, so it doesn't hurt as bad but it still hurts. I'm ready.. I'm so ready.

I want to not care about what he says or does, I want to not care what he thinks. He doesn't care about ev and I, so why should I care back? I'm ready to move on, beyond ready. I'm ready to not hate anymore.