Late nights are rough. Especially when it comes to caring for a veeeeeeery stubborn baby. One that thinks daytime is the perfect time to sleep and nighttime is scream as loud as you possibly can time.
to say the least.. I'm exhausted.
I try to keep her up in the day but she screams.. so I can't do anything in the day. Shes fine if she is held 24/7 but who can do that? Especially when I'm a single mom.
Luckily my mom is here to help.. but its not her duty to help with Ev though. I wish I could do this all on my own but even my mom agrees. Ev is a two person job.
With all this exhaustion comes the lack of care I take for myself. Seriously. My diabetes is CRAZY. I think my check kidney light is on..
I forget to eat.. (not really anymore) I've lost quite a bit of weight. I'm not complaining exactly but its not like I've lost it in a healthy manner. So my body is squish. I used to be sort of muscley.. so its not like jean shopping is exactly fun. Plus all the weight I lost is from my butt. Which is NOT cool. I mean its cool to have a big bum these days. Now if only this weight would drop from my gut and love handles, that would be AWESOME.
Life is hectic, boring, good, bad, awesome, horrible ect.. I feel like a maniac these days. I feel like the days are wasted, but yet I feel like I fought a never ending battle. How can one tiny little person cause this much.. chaos?
I really need to keep up with pictures of Evee but with all the craziness I just don't feel like whippin out the camera and snappin shots. maybe tomorrow..
and the question of tonight.. should I go to sleep until Ev wakes up to eat.. or should I stay up until she is ready to eat?
I'm going to ponder this..
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