Goooooals.

I really have nothing interesting to post..
I could really tell you about how Ev will not let me put her down anymore..and she spends much of her waking time crying.
ugh.
I wish there was something I could do to help her out or comfort her more.. and she will only be happy if I hold her very, very specifically. I wouldn't mind holding her and cuddling her cute little face all day but a woman needs to shower...and do laundry.. and clean or even just have 5 minutes to myself. But no, little miss won't have it. Most of the day I spend holding her while facebooking one handed. Not to fun to be honest.

We did go out yesterday though! We took a little drive to salt lake city to see Venyce, Kate and Nikki. My long lost friends! I remember the days when we spent all the time together. That wasn't that long ago either, but it feels like an eternity sometimes. Ev was pretty good all throughout dinner until the last little bit when she pitched quite the fit. Luckily it was loud in the restaurant so she didn't really disrupt anything. It was good to catch up and reminisce about the past. Oh, the good old days.

I can't believe that October is almost over, where the hell did it go?! Now its almost time to go back to work.. fuck. I'm reeeeeeeealllly not excited. I'm glad to be able to get out of the house once in a while, and be able to see all my work friends. But I DO NOT want to do my job. I HATE talking on the phone and from the sounds of it, they've changed a shit load of things at work and I doubt they will update me on any of it before they throw me out to the wolves. grrrreat.
So in all reality, in that department of life, I need a change. I simply cannot live with my job anymore. I could seriously cry when it comes to how much I hate my job. I want something that's rewarding and challenging and something I can look forward to a little bit. If I have to be away from Ev, I at least want to be doing something that I can feel proud of by the end of the day. This job just makes me feel haggled and irritated. I'll miss everyone but hey! I can still visit. Also my work REFUSES to let me go full time, and when I'm a single mom I'll be needing the insurance and the money. As much as I love living at home I really need to be independent. I know its going to be a huge shock when I'm out on my own but I need it to grow up. I don't care how broke I'll be. I want to be completely independent and be a good role model to Ev, that even though I wasn't smart when it came to the man department, I'm a strong enough woman to hold it together on my own and I can take care of us.
I need to go back for at least a few weeks to get money built back up and I NEED NEED NEED a new car. well I guess not that much of a need but I need something more reliable with four doors. So that's step one, next step NEW JOB.
These are my GOALS. I need to get up off my butt and just do them, they've been put off for far to long and now that I'm out that shitty depression phase I can finally focus on this. I just want me and Ev to have a good life. I want her to be proud of me.