One more try

Lately things have been on my mind. Well more then usual. I have that "what if" feeling. I hate that feeling. My friend Rachel asked if I was okay, since I had been acting weird. I haven't been very social and I've been kind of just sad lately. Like I said, a lot has been on my mind, along with being extremely exhausted. So last night I went and talked to her and told her all about the "you know who" situation and whats happened recently. She knew he tried contacting me two weeks ago but I didn't really go in depth. When he contacted me I was shocked. I didn't expect it. I had mixed feelings about the thing but took the hurt approach and told him I didn't want to work things out but he could try. Because I don't really want to work things out because I know things will never be worked out. Its always going to be a mess, its always going to be a fight. He won't meet me half way and I'm too stubborn to give into his ways. I didn't end our last conversation on a bad note, why would I? I just was honest. I'm doing good, why would I let the person who caused me the most stress and pain in my life back? If he was willing to make changes and make an effort, then maybe this could work. but he hadn't said anything since.
So anyways, I've been wondering what if. As in, what if we could get a long? What if he's willing to make changes and be here? What if hes finally ready to do his part and I blew him off out of bitterness? Did I make the decision of him not being here and am I the bad guy?
well I've heard from more then one person that hes made the decision himself. He chose to do what hes done, he chooses to not make the effort to be here. But it still made me think.. what if I just said "yeah lets talk" what would have came of that? So talking to Rachel, she said that maybe I should try one more time. So I don't regret anything, so I don't ask myself what if. The whole issue is with my mom though. She was disrespected by him and is pretty set on me never talking to him again. but I told her that I didn't want to regret not trying one more time. and surprisingly she was all for it too by saying "text him today!"

so I did..

He wrote back. and he said that he still wanted to talk he just didn't want to bug me or upset me. since today is my day off I asked if it could be done today. He said he promised to help his friend tow his truck. I asked him how long it took and if he could after.  He said he didn't know. I asked if he could find out and let me know because this is important. and I never heard back..

Not until the clock turned eleven and I said never mind. Because really, just never mind.

he said that he just barely finished working on his friends truck.

well cool, I get that you were helping your friend but you could have had some courtesy to let me know it was going to take all night and make the effort to set up a different time to talk. But no..

He waited until eleven at night to say anything because he knew there was no way that we would be able to talk. I don't know if he was lying about towing a truck and fixing it, I'm not even be skeptical about it, but he could have at least tried to let me know what was going on.

Seriously.. after all we've been through? I reach out and give you a chance to fix this so we can be parents to our daughter and you blow me off yet again?

Obviously Evee is not a priority. I realize that he had plans and made a promise to his friend but he could have at least tried a little harder to make a time to work things out with me so we can parent our daughter and get along.

but he blew it off. Like he blew me and his daughter off 4 months ago to go "live his life"

well okay then. Honestly I'm not upset. This wasn't the outcome I anticipated but I'm not shocked. there's just no "what if" theres going to be no regrets. I tried one last time and this was the outcome I was given. This was my answer and my solution is to keep moving on. there is no one more try, there are no more chances. I presented an opportunity to work things out and I was blown off, just like all of the other times.

That was the answer I was looking for

Oh well, Life goes on.