Day Nine

Day 9. Nine things I'd like to say to nine people

1. You probably won't realize it until the day you die, but you really fucked up.
2. I hope your happy with yourself. I hope hope you feel great for all the relationships and families you have ruined and all the people you have hurt.
3. Thank you for everything you do and not killing me when I told you I was pregnant but instead being there for me when the one person who was suppose to be here, isn't.
4. I love you so much already, I really can't wait for you to be here. I'm so happy I get you out of everything and I'm going to make sure that me and you have a really good life.
5. Thanks for coming back into my life. We've been friends forever but we have had different things going on in our lives that prevented us from being close. But now that we both have babies on the way, were back to where we were in 7th grade.
6. We were really close for the past year, but ever since I got pregnant you kind of disappeared. I know you think that its my fault because I don't call or text anymore but you never call or text me. It takes two to make friendship work, and if I'm not doing all the work, then we don't have a friendship.
7. Thank you for taking the time listening to me and giving me advice. I'm glad I got to know you and I'm so grateful that your willing to listen to me and help me through this.
8. Sorry I let you all down
9. Sorry I got pregnant this Young and didn't have a "shotgun wedding" you're welcome to bring out the shot gun though. lol Jk



I've felt really sad since yesterday. I don't know why, and I don't understand it. Sometimes when I sit and think about things. It hits me. and it hits me hard. I just have a hard time when I realize what I've gotten myself into, when I look and see what has happened and I know in my heart that its not the worst of it. I just don't understand how I let this happen to myself, how I could get myself into such a mess. I've never been in a situation that i couldn't just fix on my own, that I couldn't just get away from. Its insane to think that I've let someone fuck my life up like this. I'm taking all the blame, because I knew better. I knew he was that kind of a person and I knew he would do this. but yet.. I did it anyway.
Everything has just changed so much, I don't even feel like the same person anymore. I'm not comfortable with being myself.
I'm hoping I can shake this creepy sad feeling and just feel normal. I just need to keep myself busy and distracted.

Oh I have my doctors appointment on Monday.. which happens to be kid cudi. I'm sooo bummed I have to miss it. Well I could have gone, but I don't feel comfortable going 7 months pregnant. but I'm nervous for my doctors appointment. Since the last one sucked.