Day Five

Day 5 Was there a time that I thought about ending my own life

This is hard to admit,

but yeah. Especially in the past few months. That sounds horrible, I know. But there were nights were I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to feel, and I didn't know where to go. The only reason I couldn't do anything stupid, was because of Evelyn. I don't want to harm her and I don't want her to live her life without me. There is no way I can do something that insanely stupid. I have a lot to live for. I can't harm myself because someone else has and I can't give up on myself because someone else gave up on me. I can't take Evelyn away from the world before shes ever had a chance and I can't take her away from my family. Although things have been incredibly hard and sometimes everything is to much to handle. I know I have to live, I know I have to survive not only for myself but for Evelyn. She needs to live and she needs her mommy more then anyone. I'll go through a million years of pain before I ever give up on Evelyn and leave her in the world on her own. There has to be a reason for all this pain and I just have to wait it out. I really hope that's the case and I know I'll live long enough to find out. I just now know, why some people kill themselves. I understand how people can do that and why people do it.

Long story short, no matter what people do to me to hurt me, I'll live through it. I have to.



In happier news..

Evelyn's crib is put together!!

and her room is painted :)

You can kind of see the wall colors, they are green! and her bedding is all put in the crib. We decided to stick Mr. Boosch in Evees bed and he LOVED it. He was very content in there and when we took him out, he wanted to get back in. lol Mr. Boosch approves of Evs bed, its good enough for his little baby friend lol.

Also for fathers day I bought myself a gift, well it was for Evee mostly.. I bought a stuffed giraffe for her! It matches her bedding. I was going to register for it, but I just bought it instead lol I also bought her a little outfit. I did get myself something too, a maternity tank top. lol I'm soooo sick of my belly poking out of the bottom of my shirt. It was getting embarrassing. Now I have a nice new maternity tank top THAT FITS. thank goodness.