mistakes

I've been thinking a lot about mistakes I have made in the past year. I've made a lot. I made a mistake when I decided to have unprotected sex with a not so good person. But who was I to know this all would happen? I'm not dumb, I know how babies are made. And to be honest I did try "plan B". Didn't work so well.. obviously. By the way, can I have my 30 dollars back? but anyways.. that mistake has led to Evee which IS NOT A MISTAKE. Oh no, she is not the mistake, she is not a punishment and she is not ruining my life.

She has been, and will be the best thing in my life.

No, the mistake was letting someone take advantage of me. Someone I didn't love, someone I didn't trust and someone who I knew wasn't a very good guy. Of course I didn't plan to have all of this happen but still.

I regret him. I regret liking him, I regret caring about him, I regret trusting him. I knew better! I knew he wasn't worth any of that! and yet I still let myself believe in him. WHAT the HELL was I thinking? seriously?

The punishment of having unprotected sex is the guilt and the pain you feel. The hurt and the heartbreak you'll experience and all the shame and embarrasment you'll have. Then the kicker of that is, he won't feel ANY of it. He's cool because hes going to be a "dad" and he got laid. (even if he doesn't do a DAMN thing.)

All I can say about all of this is, I get a baby girl. I get a baby girl who will grow up to love and appreciate ME for raising her by myself. Will he be able to claim that in 18 years. NO. will he be able to tell his little girl about how he got to feel her kick when she was in my belly? or how he felt when she was first born? NO. what he can tell her is about all the times he got hammered with his "bros" while she was in mommys belly. and how many hot chicks he banged while he was waiting for her arrival, cool! I guess he can tell her he was drinking for two, like mommy was eating for two. AWESOME! She'll be SOOOO proud!