I don't understand

There's in no where to run, there's no where to hide. I can escape this pain, I have no one to run too, I only have people to run from. I keep praying but I think Gods stopped listening, cause I my prayers aren't be answered. I just can't get away, cause no matter where I go this will follow me. I hold this pain in my heart and I can't live without a heart.

I'm just so sick of feeling like this. I want to be happy and I want to live my life. I don't need him but he won't go away. He keeps coming back and he keeps saying mean things when he does. and He won't leave. he thinks he has rights to do this, and he doesn't.

I wish there was something or someone who could fix this. someone who could tell me that its going to be okay. But only if they knew it for sure.

so far, when things seem okay, they aren't. They just keep getting worse and I can't stop it.

I don't understand Gods plan here, is he trying to hurt me until I die? or why he would allow this happen?

I really don't think I've done anything bad enough to deserve this. I swear I've always tried to be nice to people, whether they deserved it or not. I've said mean things about people but not to an extent thats bad. I never been cruel about anyone, I've never done anything cruel. I spent all of last year helping a friend who went through a really hard time. Because I couldn't help fix her, is that why I'm broken now too? I don't understand, I really don't