I can't forgive

To warn you, after such happy posts.. this WILL not be a happy one. I figured something awful would happen. I probably shouldn't post such personal shit but I guess its my personal blog so what the hell.

anyways.. I'm absolutely sickened by humans right now. Let me explain. I'm 5 months pregnant. sure things didn't work out with my uhh "baby daddy" which is okay but is it really fair of him to be able to be out with his friends every night and date other girls? while I'm 5 months pregnant? And is it okay for a girl who not only knows ME and knows that I'm 5 MONTHS PREGNANT to date him? and is it crazy of me to be upset about this?

My side of the story.. well I'm hurt, I'm hurt that things didn't work out and I'm hurt that he will only talk to me when he feels like it. I'll admit I may not make the perfect girlfriend but I was never once nagging or controlling. I did get angry twice but when your being ignored and your pregnant, things don't go down so smoothly. I've been through hell and back these past few months and to find out while I'm trying to be healthy and grow a baby and prepare for her arrival, the one person I NEED here is with another girl "hanging out"

how the fuck is this fair? how the fuck is it okay?

It's not okay.

it's not okay to date someone who is having a baby with another girl. Why? because put yourself in her shoes for a minute. Pregnant, and alone. and your lolly gagging with him while shes home alone. and then to have the nerve to say that you kinda don't want to date him because she "likes me" Uhh well thanks I guess. But if you really care about me then tell him to quit being a fucking pig and STOP "dating" him. Be a fucking human.

and is it really bad of me for telling him to fuck off? cause I really think its a swell idea. I WILL NOT raise my daughter around someone who thinks its okay to treat women like he does and I WILL not let her think that its okay for men to act like that. I will not let her be disappointed by him when he picks his friends over her. I will not let her be heartbroken by him like I was. she deserves better. And not saying that I need to find a man to replace him. Hell no. I don't need a man, I will NEVER ever need a man. There will be no need for a replacement. I have enough love for this little girl that she will never need another person. I'm going to give her everything she needs and more. He thinks being a dad is buying clothes and stuff. Is it? no. Its helpful maybe. But being a dad is something entirely different. its being there. If your not going to be here 100% then don't be here at all.  I could honestly care less If I ever find a man to be with, that's not important to me. Evelyn is important to me and she will always come first. My happiness is hers.

I also can't believe that people would let him do this. Why? what have I ever done to these people to deserve this? why would you let him do this to me? He really can fuck off. Hes betrayed me and destroyed me and I will not let that carry on to my daughter. He will never be able to make up for what hes done and I doubt he will ever even try. Some people think its wrong to take away a child from their father. But I honestly think I'm doing the right thing. I've tried to forgive and he keeps doing things to hurt me. I can't forgive anymore. I'm only setting myself up for more pain. and I can't take anymore. I need to focus on Evee and our future.