thinkin

I seem to make the same mistakes more then once. The difference is I make them with new line of thinking. I know the consequences, so I'm prepared for the outcome. So I don't really think they are mistakes, because the "mistakes" I make are a part of life, so the second time I make the same mistake, its not really a mistake, its just taking what I learned from the first time, and preparing myself for the next time. I'm not ashamed and I'm not hurt by what happened. It was just something I did and I'm okay with it. Even though its outcome wasn't what I wanted but Its what i knew would happen. So I didn't get hurt. I am now confident enough to not believe stupid things people say, even if they make me smile or feel good. I know that its probably just empty.

The main point of this, is that one of my new years resolutions is to enjoy life. Everything thing. even work. Because its life, why not make the best out of it? I just want to take moments and realize that I'm alive and I do well. Maybe not my best, but I'm doing okay. I just want to be happy and I will be, even if I have to fake it. I've made a lot of mistakes this last year, and I regretted them with everything I had and I was miserable. When realistically it was no big deal. I didn't hurt anyone, I had just let my guard down. It wasn't a horrible time either, I had enjoyed myself. That's kind of what killed me. But I shouldn't feel bad and I won't feel bad anymore. I made a mistake and I lived through it. The consequences were emotional pain, but that was my doing. I let myself get hurt and I won't do that anymore either. I know better now. I'm just realizing that I have a lot of love to give and I'm capable of loving people so, so much. I'm going to love the people I know deserve it and save the rest for when the time is right. Or maybe use it on myself. I think everyone should love themselves. I don't see why we shouldn't. I'm not saying be conceited and believe you deserve everything. I'm just saying, we should all know that we are worth what we work for and we deserve happiness.


My friend Nikki was talking to me the other night and she was saying that her heart tells her to do one thing and her brain tells her another and its annoying. Judging from experience, your heart doesn't think, it just does and it leaves your brain to deal with the consequences. you should never just listen to your heart but also your brain to. Happy medium, you see. I try to use this reasoning as much as possible. What option would make both sides happy? Go with your heart but use your brain. that's my motto for this year. cause my hearts only trying to have fun but my brain is trying to keep things logical. They both have a point, and they both need to be used. I can have fun, just have to be smart.