I'm ready for

A vacation. No seriously. I need to get away. I'm sick of the cold and I'm sick of the same things. Goshdagnabbit. I really just don't feel like being at work or being any where. If I can't be on vacation, can I at least be home?
I'm nervous about new years. I'm pretty sure I won't be doing anything because all my friends will probably go to the bar. Me being underage I'm not welcome at the bar. My life blows.
I was feeling pretty okay about everything but now I'm not so sure. I try to do what i can for the people around me but its never enough. and I always feel under attack. I'm just sick of dealing with the same things.
Also watching everyone get married and have babies is putting me in a depressed mood because All I want is that. I want a cute husband and a beautiful child. I don't really need anything else. well maybe insulin. and watching everyone live my dream is making me sick. because i have a feeling I'll never find that. Not only that but everyone getting better jobs and improving themselves and I can't for the life of me seem to succeed. It's getting old, real old. All I want to is to be the best I can be but I can't figure out how and I have no support or help anywhere. I've never really had support before but I've never had people dragging me down like I do now. I just care to much to cut people loose. I just wish people could care for me the way I care for them but that won't ever happen. I expect to much out of life I guess and it depresses me when I realize the truth.

I just really am In a weird stage of life and I want to figure things out. I just am missing childhood. The carefree nights and not having to worry about so much and work so hard. I miss just being a kid and everyone else being kids with me. Now its time to be grown up and I'm not so sure I'm ready but then again I am. I hate being stuck inbetween adult and childhood because it feels like I'm stuck and I'm not going anywhere because I'm being pulled back in forth.