Focus

I need to learn how to focus, well focus on things that actually matter. I spend most of my time In class or at work thinking of what I could have done different, what I should do to make things different, and why I couldn't just do it the right way the first time. Its making me bad at school and work. I just cant help it though. I want what I want and what I want is what I think about. No matter how shallow or insignificant it is. I want it to stop though. I want to be able to think of what I need to do, not what I want to do. I wish I could be amazing at school, but the only time I was amazing at school was when I didnt have much of a social life. That time wasnt the best, I hated being lonely and I dont want to go back to that but I also dont want to suck at school. I want to do awesome at my job too but Since its kind of a filler job until I find a career, I'm just not taking it seriously enough. I'm trying really hard to just forget the insignificant things, and remember the important things.

But anyways.. although this summer has been nothing but school, work, homework. I have had bits and peices of fun, which of course let to heatbreak or sickness. but I wont elaborate. I've learned a lot about people these past few months and its sad to say that people are not who they say they are. They can turn their backs on you for the smallest acomplisments. like attention. Well cool, i think that getting attention by negative backstabbing means is kind of pathetic. But if you feel its the only way to get that attention, then I'm truely sorry. I'm just sick of running into people who don't care about anyone but themselves, or people who use people. Why is it so hard to find people who are just looking to be happy? Everyone is looking for happiness, but most people will do malicious things in order to gain that happiness. Why are people so ruthless? and where do people get off by destroying someone elses happiness, just because of jealousy? Yeah, what I have was once yours, but you were done with it, why can't I have it? and what do you gain by taking it away from someone and just throwing it away a week later? I get it, you want to win. Well congratulations, you've won.

I'm also sad that this summer has ended it and I have wasted it by wishing that the weeks would end quickly. I just like my freedom and the weekends are the only time I have it. Time flys when your busy. It sucks, I don't think I'm ready for it to be fall..and then winter. Didnt winter just freaking end? The only part of life that I love, is knowing that it changes all so much and very fast. It never is the same. And when life is bad, its good to know that soon enough it will change. All you can do is to hope that it will change into somthing better, and that is what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping that I can make more money, and focus more on things like work and school and to be honest myself. I want to focus on the things that will make me better and happier, so therefore I can be a better/happier person to everyone else. I'm ready to keep growing up and to find more independence. Its hard to wake up and not feel a reason too, but I know there is or nobody would.