Wow, It's been two years since I've been on this thing.. so much has happened.. does anyone even blog anymore? It doesn't matter because I feel like blogging was so important to me and I was able to get feelings out and openly talk. Whether or not anyone read it and I've been contemplating writing in my blog for a long time but my computer is broken and I don't like typing a lot of stuff into my phone. but I got a new computer today so now I'm back!
Phew, OK..
Well my life since 2014.. Ev turned 4, and then now she is 5! Yes, 5 whole years has gone by and really fast too! She started pre school last year and is currently in her 2nd year. (she missed the cut off for kindergarten by A DAY!) She had a butterfly birthday for her 4th birthday and this year was star wars! It's crazy to believe I have a 5 year old.. I don't feel like she can be that old already. But she is.. so now I have a 5 year old..
I think where I left off I had just finished Dental assisting school and had just found a job. Well, that job was OK but it wasn't what I wanted and it didn't last too long. So I found another close to home that I had met some great people but I didn't really like how the business went and eventually found an office I have been at for the past year. I'm now a fairly seasoned assistant, although I still have some learning to do.. Finding a good place has been hard. You have to work so close with the dentist and you have to rely on each other so sometimes it hard to find the right fit. but I found it for the most part. I did find a new job.. and I went for a month and HATED it. Now I'm taking some time off until the dentist I was working with is off of maternity leave. My step dad has said it would be ok for me to stay home for a while with Ev. So I'm going to do that!
2016 hasn't been the greatest of years. I did meet the love of my life (Ill get to that later!) but I lost two of the most important people in my life..
As I have talked about a lot before, my mom was battling stage 4 breast cancer. She fought long and hard but it was her time and she was ready to go. We almost lost her in August of 2015. She had a small tumor that started in her liver. I feel like she probably would have lived a lot longer if the Utah Cancer specialist would have listened to her and put her on chemo MONTHS before that. but my mom was angry when they said they wanted her to go on hospice and she made it so she could go up to huntsman cancer center! which is AMAZING by the way. It's so beautiful there and everyone who works there is kind, even if you're not a patient. I loved to go to chemo with my mom. We would have time to just hang out and talk, which was nice. Huntsman gave her the last year she had and she did really well and we were able to go to Disneyland in march! She was feeling good still at that point and was able to ride the rides she wanted and walk around. it was so amazing to spend that time with my mom, Ev and my family. After that my mom got sicker and the chemo stopped working and started making her super sick. So in July she made the decision to go on hospice. She went peacefully in her home with all of us surrounded by her. I was lucky to be able to take care of her until the end.
We did a celebration of life for her and it turned out so beautiful. We were able to stick to her wishes until the very end and for that I'm grateful. My aunt Joannie really made sure that everything was perfect. Its been really strange to live without my mom. I'm at peace with her passing because I know she was suffering so much but it still is hard. It sucks not being able to call her whenever I need to. Or to tell her things that happened or just to be able to talk in general. Its been an adjustment and sometimes it still doesn't feel real.
I also lost my Grandpa. He went to the hospital 2 days before my mom passed. He was in kidney failure and had, had a heartattack without knowing. He was in really bad shape. He stayed in the hospital for a month and was about to be released but he started having issues again and his heart couldn't take all of the stress and strain. So not even a month after my mom, my grandpa passed..
This one is hard for me to accept because it wasn't anticipated.. we knew my mom didn't have a lot of time but we didn't think that my grandpa would be taken so soon too. I'm honestly dreading the holidays because it wont be right without my mom and my grandpa..
I did end up meeting the love of my life however. I met him in March after Disneyland. My friends were trying to set him up with another friend but she didn't show up. so they thought he would be perfect for me! And he is! He's been there for me and Ev, for my family and has just fit in so perfect. I love his family too! and my family loves him! I think things would be a lot worse if I didn't have him here. He's saved me. I think what's holding everything together is knowing that Jesse and I have a future together and Ev and I have someone who will be there for us. I really didn't think that I would ever find someone. I honestly had given up. but I thank God everyday that I was able to meet Jesse and that my mom and grandpa could meet him as well.. (my mom gave him her blessing even)
But all in all, my life has been flipped upside down and thrown against the wall. my worst fears have been met by losing my mom and my grandpa. Even Ev has had some health issues. Its so overwhelming how much has changed.. and how much is still going to change. I'm excited and terrified all at once. I'm grateful to be able to be home with my daughter at this time however and I hope things will look up.
Well there's my life update! hopefully I can keep up with this again!
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