Life, lately

I haven't been a very good blogger. I haven't had much to say. Work has been keeping me busy and so has Ev. I love my job but being in sales is pretty tough. Working long hours is tough. I could go on. I love coming home to Ev but I feel like such a horrible mom because I'm so freaking drained when I get home. but this is life.

A big change has happened in our lives recently..

Last week we found out that my mom has stage 4 breast cancer. I'm hesitant to post this because it's such a shock and its already changed life so much already, and its only been a week.. 

This is how it started..

my mom gets shots in her back because years, and years ago she injured her back. she went in to get one because she was due for one. It didn't work. So she went and tried another one, and it made her feel really weird. So she called and told the nurses there and they scheduled her to have an MRI. She got one done on a Saturday. 

So fast forward a week later.. 

I was at work. My mom had taken Ev to the doctor that morning because she of course, had strep. She gets a call right after with the results. They found spots on her spine.

She text me that and I called her and we weren't really sure at that point of what to think. While at work I start feeling really ill. crampy.. period like stuff (Although I wasn't, I just had mine TMI) so I was concerned  Then the pain gets unbearable and I have to leave work.. Low and behold and one fun trip to instacare.. I have a bladder infection..

So a few days later my mom finds out that she has breast cancer and that it has spread into her spine.

This changes a lot..

I don't want to lose my mom. I don't want Ev to lose her grandma. I don't want to watch my mom suffer.

Without her, I honestly will be all on my own. I won't have help, I won't have any go to person for anything. Or Ev won't. 

It's scary and I'm still feeling numb to it. I want to keep a positive attitude and I want to think the best but I'm crumbling. I know this can't compare to how my mom feels. I can't even imagine. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders right now. I don't even know what's going to happen next. On top of that a stomach bug has made everyone sick.. especially Ev. I'm so stressed out I can't even begin to explain. I feel so bottled up and I'm trying to keep chugging a long and I don't want to.

I need a miracle.