When you feel good, anything is possible.

Funemployment isn't so fun right now..

I have a TON of things I need to save money for.. I have a TON of things I want to do that I need money for.. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too but I have to work in order to get the things I want.. and that's something I want Ev to understand in the future.

I'll be honest I'm naturally lazy. The only problem is being lazy comes with guilt.. working hard sucks, but the after feeling is the best. I want a lot of things in the near future. I want Ev and I to have our own place to call home, I want a good job, I want to be the best me I can be, not only for ME but for little Miss Ev too. I want her to grow up and know that working hard is GOOD and with hard work comes great things.

I really need to focus on where I'm going.. all while working hard for it now.. what do I want?

Well first off I want to get a good, stable job so that within a few months..preferably springtime me and Ev can have a cute little place to call our own..

I want to be consistant with working on myself..physically and emotionally. I want to work out and take care of my diabetes so I can be healthy. When you feel good, anything is possible.

I really want to pick up a hobby, I have a strange urge to dabble into photography..not really to make money but for fun. Of course pictures will most be of Ev but I LOVE taking pictures of her. I really want a good professional camera.

I want to say to find the ooooh soo love of my life..but its not meant to be right now and I need to stop worrying about being with someone. I just need to focus on building the relationships I have with my family and friends and go out and do things and meet people and divulge myself in different things. And I suppose the right people will come along.. as in friends and maybe someone to date.

but then again, I have my whole life to worry about finding someone. Sometimes the only reason I want to is so Ev has that father figure but that's no need to rush. And sometimes I want to be in a relationship because my ex is obviously in one, and I consider that unfair. But it is what it is and I'm more of a loner.. so I'll accept it and move on.


and last but probably the most important..is...being the best mom for Ev. I need to unplug myself from the world and focus on HER. She is the most important person on this planet to me and no relationship to any other human being is as important as MY relationship with HER. I want us to have a strong bond. I need to focus on THAT more than anything else.

And when you focus on what is in front of you, what matters, everything else that doesn't goes on the back burner and may even go away. hopefully.