You don't know, unless you've been through it.

I'm bored at work.. so I look up my horoscope and then I looked up my love horoscope. and this is what I saw..

"Don't let any opportunity go unexplored -- say 'yes, yes, yes!' to any and all offers. Even if you'd rather make a cave and hibernate until everything is in bloom, just go. The world is full of interesting people you haven't met yet."


I should really take this advice and run with it.

but in other words. I saw someone post a thing on facebook about she had no respect for mothers who don't let their babies fathers see their children. It was a little offensive, although I'm understanding her side. Sometimes I feel like there was something I did to prevent him from being in Ev's life, yes I was mad at all the things he's done but I still would have let him see her. If he stepped up and put Ev before everything and was there for her like he promised to be.. then nothing else would really matter. But listening to other people talk about their babies fathers who still ask.. even if its only when its a convenient time for them.. they still asked.. I haven't heard from him for 6 months! SIX months. not-a-word. That's not my fault either. I shouldn't have to call him to tell him when to be a father. He should call me, or just simply show up at my house to be there for her like he said he would. He told me he would be there everyday after work, he told me he would staying over a lot. We had a whole plan worked out, until he decided to get a girlfriend. and its not the girlfriend that I'm upset about (me and her are on good terms even, we don't talk but I don't hate her) its the fact that her and his buddies and his partying all came first before Ev. That's not fair to Ev.

all I'm trying to say is. It's not my fault. Yes I could have tried harder to force him to be around. but I can't make someone do anything. I can't make him be here. and plus now if he tried.. I wouldn't let him.

but another thing that bothered me, is calling out those women. Sometimes you don't know the real reason why a women would keep her kids away from their father. I'm not saying this is the best and I'm positive there are women who are petty about it. But you have think, maybe theres a bigger reason. Some guys are very manipulative and maybe they aren't being so honest when they tell you that their baby mama is a "crazy bitch" or that she" keeps me from them" my first idea is to look at their behavior.. would you be embarrassed if this man were your father? Would you want to have your children around a person like you? Maybe he really doesn't try and the only reason he is now, is because he has a new girlfriend and wants to put on the I'm-a-good-daddy-I-swear show. And how do you know what happened in that last relationship? Maybe he cheated on her, maybe he was abusive and you just haven't seen that side of him. Also to think, that mother doesn't know you and I wouldn't want Ev around people I didn't know. I'm totally agreeing with if they child support they should be able to see their kids.. but you just have to be weary of who you judge. Because you don't know unless you've been on the opposite side.

with that all said.. I feel good about how things are, partly because they are the way they should be. I can't really hold so much anger towards my ex anymore. Maybe him abandoning us, was a blessing. Well, it is. I know it is. I wonder sometimes why he couldn't step up, there's no answer. It just is the way it is. I'm letting go, I'm moving on.