looking back

Last night happened to be way fun! A bunch of us from high school got back together for a small reunion. Most of us now have babies and its honestly been years since we've seen each other. It's funny how we spend years and years together and once high school is over, well we spend zero time with each other. Thanks to facebook though, we're all still able to keep up with each others lives but its nice to have some face to face time! Next time we'll have to bring all the babies together!

Its funny to look back on the past 3 years.. its been that long? well anyways, its funny to look back and see all that has changed in those years. Who we've all become all the trials and tests and major life changes that have shaped us into who we are now. And honestly, right now I feel, finally, that my life is where it needs to be. I am who I'm suppose to be in this moment and that feels good. I've had a lot of tests and trials this past year alone but hell, I made it out alive and well. But I feel like the ages 18-19 I wasn't myself. Like I was living another persons life. I hung out with people I wouldn't normally, I went and did things I normally wouldn't and I was just trying to find myself in places and with people that I wasn't. But now that I'm back and I talk to people I used to talk to back in the day, well I feel more of myself. Which is funny. I feel like I skipped ages 18-19 and went from 17 to 20. Not immaturity wise, but memory wise. Like I've forgotten everything that happened after 17 and before 20. Buut with that said, I'm just content at where I am in life. Even if things are a little messy right now and they're not the way I want them, I just feel like I'm going where I need too.

My mom said something kind of surprising yesterday. My work called me because I had some belongings that were left there. I honestly didn't care because I doubt they were worthwhile (I was right!) but we we're going in and I figured we could stop in. I had my mom go in and get the box for me. What was in the box was my 99cent calendar, and a small case of samples (it was of facial wash product type stuff that company makes). Well, Uh, thanks I guess. But my mom told me that despite everything that's happened in the past year, I really handled myself with Grace. She said she didn't know what she would have done or if she could of handled it herself.
Which surprises me because I don't feel that I really handled myself all that well. I acted like a freak. Granted I just freaked out when I was by myself and cried a lot. I didn't burn anything down, I didn't beat anyone up or break anything or really do anything to inflict harm on any people. I just was a tad outspoken and just felt like I was turning into a monster. but all in all. I didn't really do anything "crazy" per say. I have yet to do anything Crazy and well, I probably won't ever. so I guess in a way I did handle myself. there were times when I wanted to end it all, but didn't. I made it here and i made it out alive and unharmed with a beautiful healthy baby to show for it.
and on that end note, I'm so very grateful for that healthy baby, epsecially with all the stress that I had. I'm surprised bad things didn't happen with her and that everything turned out okay. Maybe because God knew I could handle the heartbreak from him but I couldn't handle anything wrong with Ev. and he was right.