I just needed the day

I just needed a day to myself. I needed to go off and do stuff I used to do, by myself. Then do something to change things up. Which I did.

I shut my facebook off. No need to be connected to the world when I just want to be in my own. I also shut it off because I came to the conclusion that I'm really on there too much. I post too much about Ev and mines life. I don't know if it's a good thing. But I'd rather keep up on here more.

it also marks the day of birth for someone. I don't want to bring it up. But it bothers me, it just reminds me that he exsists and that he's celebrating another year. A year that should have changed his life, made him grow up and be a better person and it didn't do anything. He may have gotten someone pregnant but he's not a father, hes not a dad nor will he ever be. How does it feel to be doing the exact same thing you were doing a year ago, even when the biggest life changing occurrence, happened to you? How can you live knowing you don't grow up every year? That you stay the same?

its funny to compare who we were a year ago to who we are now. Because I'm different. I'm the same but I'm different. I've grown up, I'm a mother. I've been through hell and back. I'm a survivor and I'm better then I was a year ago, although I may be a little bitter and hurt, I'm better because I know what's important. I appreciate the small things, I count my blessings. My priorities, my goals, my wants and needs have all changed to fit the path of being a mother, they fit the path of a growing baby. because that's just what happens when you have a baby. Everything single thing in your heart and soul, your life, it just changes. It's not just you anymore, its like a part of you (technically it does) splits off and everything you want in life focuses around that little part. However little it may be. because it won't be so little one day. A year from now, I won't be the same, Ev won't be the same. We're still us but we will be older, wiser, Ev will learn and I will learn from her. We'll grow. But him on the other hand.. well he'll be the same. Doin the same thing. And not a care in the world because he "has no baby" according to his best friend.


but the more time goes on the better I feel. I've done what I could. I can't make a person be a father.. I can only be a mother. I just couldn't imagine a day without Ev. She can drive me nuts but I just love her. I love her so much I know I'd never be able to live without her, shes the piece of my soul that I need to be here on earth. And how can her other half not feel that?



but aside from this I feel good. I bought some stuff for ME. I treated myself today. Trying on clothes sometimes makes me feel good about myself, other times bad. But its nice to try on smalls and have them fit! If only I could get this squishy tummy under control. I also went and chopped my hair off. yeah. I've been meaning to grow it out but I feel like such a slob! I usually throw my hair into a pony tail, right after trying to shape it into some cute style which takes FOREVER. waste of time. So I cut it and now I have some form of hairstyle to work with! I wanted to get a spray tan too, yes you heard that correct! but I didn't have much time. I just want to try new things with my looks I guess. I love that I try to be natural and I'm proud of it but its worth a shot to try something else. I'm going to maybe Thursday. Well, phew that's all I have for now!