miss

Yesterday I made a discovery. Ev has her first tooth coming through! A tooth! I'm so excited but then again sad. No more gummy little mouth and now when she bites, it will hurt. I was skeptical at first because sometimes its seemed like a tooth was coming through and it never did but in this case, it is! The gum is starting to split and you can feel the tooth! It's so fun and exciting to watch babies grow, but it's also sad because that means they will never be that old again. Also Ev will be 7 months in a week. How is time moving this fast?!

I hate to be such a whiny bitch about stuff but going to the zoo and seeing all the cute daddy's with their little girls made my heart ache. I can vision him being at the zoo with us, or doing day to day things. Just picturing what it would have been like. Of course, it isn't a reality. Because the person I picture in my head isn't who he is. It's his image but it's not his personality. He's a different person with the same body. It's sad though, I wish so deep in my heart that he could of been that person, not for me, but for Ev.
It also sucks when I'm with my friends. It seems like everyone is a couple and here I am.. alone. I like being alone and like I've said. I'll be alone until I find that right person. But it frustrates me that I can't find that right person. I think should just accept the fact that I'm alone, and I will be for a while.

I was thinking about it last night, how much I miss him. Not him now, oh no. But who he was. Especially in high school. Me and him were good friends. He was goofy and he wasn't all to full of himself. He wasn't the best person then but at least he knew it. I remember right after graduation there was a kegger or whatever and I won't lie, I was pretty gone. And I remember just hugging him and standing there for a while and he would invite me to hang out all the time and I never would. I remember talking to him in the summer of 2010 and he would say how much he wished he could be back in Utah with me (he was living somewhere else) I'm sure he had said this to many girls but it was nice to hear at the moment. Almost sincere. I miss that person.. even if he was just pretending. I wonder what happened to him.