So tomorrow marks a year that I found out I was pregnant. Crazy to think about that day, to think about how lost I was in that moment. I had no idea what was going to happen, what to do or even what to think.. it was a crazy unbelievable moment and it changed my life forever.
I remember having a feeling for the whole month that something wasn't normal. I had weird dreams about babies and being pregnant. I was sooo in denial about it. There was no way I was pregnant. It was a Monday night and I hadn't talk to what's his face in a while but he messaged me out of nowhere that night. I questioned whether or not I should mention that I might be pregnant. But I held my tounge. I figured id give it a couple more days and then id take a pregnancy test. Well that night I prayed.. I asked god to give me a sign that I was pregnant. That night I dreamt that I was telling my family I was having a baby. I knew then.
I text my friend rachel and told her I wanted to take a pregnancy test that night after work. So I met up with her. I was so nervous and kept thinking about how relieved id feel if it came out negative.. well we took the test and rachel watched it. She said "it may take a while for it to turn positive...oh fuck" the look on her face was so shocked. I just said "I am, huh?" And she just kept saying "oh my god..oh my god" I couldn't even cry. Apart of me knew I was pregnant. I just couldn't believe I had a something growing in my belly.
I then had to call him and tell him. I had to call about three times and then he picked up. I was crying at that point. He asked me what was the matter and I said "I took a pregnancy test.." and he asked "it didn't turn out to well, did it?" I then cried while I drove to his house.
I got to his house and he just hugged me for a minute. Then we went to his room and his sister and two friends were there. They all knew which made it awkward. Me and him sat and talked about it for a minute and he told me it would all be fine, we would be fine. We would be like his parents, he was a dumbass like his dad and I was smart like his mom and they were fine. (Funny. They're divorced now and well, you know the story with me and him) we joked about baby names and he told me that my ahem, vagina was "his" (yeah, right) then we went and hung out a bit before I went home.
I was so fearful but yet excited. I was excited for what might come. I thought id end up with a cute family but deep down I feared that we would end up like this. I was so scared to tell my mom (I didn't for at least two weeks)
I didn't know what to expect and I felt a million different emotions that night. I'm crying just thinking of that night now. What a journey I've been on since. Its crazy to think that was a year ago. I wish he meant what he said.. but for some reason it didn't work and I'm okay with it now. What a year.
To think I have a beautiful almost five month old who happens to be the love of my life. Crazy what a year can bring you. :)
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