Just because I'm alone, doesn't mean I'm lonely.

So I'm having lunch with someone today and people keep calling it a date. ugh.
I feel bad because I'm not interested in dating anyone right now and people keep trying to set me up with people. Then they make it all awkward "Oh his mom's going to love being a grandma!" Uhh, wtf.
I just said yes to be nice.. I have a hard time saying no.

I feel bad because he seems like a really, really sweet guy. I'm just not ready. I'm not trying to make excuses, I just really don't want to date. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone and then I meet someone and they annoy the absolute shit out of me and I think to myself that I just don't have it in me to date anyone. I can't find someone that fits. Maybe I'm too picky but oh well. Maybe I'm meant to be single?
and I hate to worry so much about looks but if I'm not attracted to someone right away, I can't date them. I'm not saying they have to look like Ryan Gosling, I can think they are not very cute but they have to have something that attracts me to them, just a little bit and then it will grow from there if I like them. I seriously cannot find someone who I'm attracted to physically and emotionally. I've had boyfriends that I've liked but have not been attracted too. and I've had boyfriends I've been attracted to but I didn't like their personality.
I need the best of both worlds and I CANNOT find it.

I hate to be superficial with the looks thing but I've tried it before and it doesn't work. I need to be physically attracted to someone or it makes kissing, holding hands not fun. and if I don't like their personality then theres nothing really great about that either.

See, dating is too much work. I can't do it. Not with a 5 month old baby. I don't want to date anyone, I'm sick of pretending to like someone so I don't hurt peoples feelings. UGH. I just wish people would leave me be and let me find what I need on my own. If I'm meant to be with someone then I guess somewhere a long the line, our paths will cross but for now I'm content being alone.