weird mood

Don't you hate times when you just feel, well..sad? I do. I definitely feel sad more then I should but I usually play it off like I'm fine and it works. Don't get me wrong, I've been pretty good this last little while but today has just been one of those days.
I feel really stuck in my life, like theres no where to go from here. I know there a million things I can do to change my life, but where the fuck to start?
Then I get comments about being a single mom.. It doesn't bother me all the time but I feel like some people are demeaning about it. Like I failed at life because I'm a single mom. And to be honest sometimes it fucking sucks doing this without a guy by my side. Other times I feel empowered. but it's definitely rough and I feel guilty about it all the time. If I could have just waited for the right person.. maybe me and Ev wouldn't be in this predicament. but things happen for a reason..

I just wish some things were easier. I wish that I could feel important sometimes or as if I'm doing something right. I have a lingering feeling that I just can't pinpoint. Sometimes I feel no purpose for myself. Of course there is.. but I don't feel as if I'm really necessary.

I don't know how to explain how I feel.. I feel like I'm running and have been running for a million miles and have yet to reach the finish line. I feel tired like I can't go on but I can't give up, theres nothing i can do to quit until I reach that finish line, but who knows if that finish line exists?

bleh..