Not sure what to title this one..

My back hurts. I really hope its not labor because I had plans for tom morrow. lol well not big plans, but plans. For instance my mom is making a big dinner to celebrate our last "baby-free" night lol. Don't get me wrong, we are more estatic for the baby to get here than anything, but in reality, I'm becoming a mom for the rest of my life. scary.
I really don't mean to get all mushy gushy on becoming a mom, but really its a big change. Life changing. My life is completely different and my little girl isn't even here yet. I'm sure all the mommas in the world can agree that having a baby changes everything.
In a lot of ways the end of this pregnancy for me is very bittersweet. Its definitely the end of a long, long journey. Like I said, pregnancy alone was life changing. Not always in the best ways. A lot of pregnancy was a struggle and at times I didn't think I could make it to the end. Now that I'm at the end and things are well.. calm. Its amazing and I'm proud that I made it through everything. I think I've grown a lot and I've learned even more.
I even learned a little bit of forgiveness. I'm not stupid though, I won't forget what happened. but I'll push it aside.

What I can't get over is the fact that I'll finally have my beautiful baby girl. I'll be able to hold her and kiss her and love her and shes mine. I'll have the best thing the world can offer. How is it possible? How is it that I deserve this baby? I did something extremely dumb, and I wound up with the whole world.
Of course motherhood won't be easy.. It doesn't seem easy at all, but sooo worth it. How can being puked, peed and pooped on be so awesome? I don't know but I'll soon find out..

I don't know what I'm trying to get at here.. I'm just trying to say.. that well I can't believe this journey is at its end. I can't believe I'm actually having a baby and that I'm actually going to be a momma. I also can't believe that I'm going to go through labor and all that jazz. It all seems so... impossible. How is it that I, as in me, is having a baby?! How is it that miss Evelyn is MINE? How? I just can't understand it, yet its all explained in a science book somewhere. I mean I've made it through all this and I still have to go through all that?! How do you do it?!
I'm just nervous I guess.. I'm just trying to focus on the outcome of it all. Evee.



but it other news.. I have a family member who had a baby today.. which is fantastic and I am estatic for them. But they stole my middle name, Grace. I get that Grace is a common name, but uhhh theres A LOT of other middle names out there and I'm pretty sure I had told them that my daughter was being name Evelyn GRACE a few weeks ago. and NO where in that conversation did they say that they had also picked out Grace for a middle name. I get that she was due before I was but seriously? I've had her name chosen since like March.. I just think its kinda rude. It could be an honest mistake but I'm not sure about that..
I also kind of have an issue with them too. This family member isn't exactly blood related but our family has accepted him as a part of our family even when his relation to our family decided that they didn't want to talk to us anymore.. he decided to go on his own route too, he only really came around when he wanted to pick up his birthday/Christmas gifts or when he needed something. and as family we always tried our best to be there. But after being absent from family things for a while he finally decides to come around when hes having a baby with someone who has a kid and needs money to get married and a babysitter.
well it would be different if he wasn't just coming around to get free babysitting and gifts and money. If he was well off, he would still have nothing to do with us but he thinks that my grandparents are suppose to help pay for his wedding.. UH.. I don't think they'll even pay for MY wedding and I'm their real granddaughter.. Hell I've had a hard time even getting baby gifts from them and I'm at ALL the family things and I go there all the time to visit.. and better yet I don't even expect them to pay for my wedding or my baby.. thats why I've ever complained about them not giving me money when they found out I was pregnant because its MY responsibility to take care of that myself.. just sayin..
I don't mean to be rude, but I really hate when family members try to use my grandparents for their money. I'm sure when you get married they will get you a nice gift and same with your baby but its not their duty to support you and your family. yeah they help my cousin out with Bells all the time and I'm sure if I needed support with Ev they would do the same, but they've known us since birth we are children of their children. and we are the ones that participate in family events, not because we have to, but because we want too. We don't come around for the presents or the money and we contribute our help to the family as well.
I sound like an asshole but really?! I'm sure if he could afford a big wedding and all the nicest baby things we wouldn't have been contacted but now that this person has found himself in quite the family man pickle.. he now thinks its our duty to pay for him to be married and have a baby.
Uhh I really never considered asking my family to pay for my wedding.. granted I'm not getting married nor had I had plans to get married but if I did then I would have a wedding that I and my future spouse could afford.. I get the whole needing help with baby stuff, things happen.. but if you can't afford a wedding.. then you should probably A. not get married or B. go to the court house and have a reception when you can afford it.
and the whole stealing my daughters middle name for your daughters name pisses me off. REALLY??

I'm not changing my little girls middle name and I have PROOF that was her middle name even before I found out she was a she, check back to some of my may posts. It just sucks that they got to it first. not to mention the first name they chose happens to be my step-dads granddaughters name but he doesn't consider them as part of the family since they are my step-dads grand kids.. which is funny because he is a step kid in our family and his parents have disowned themselves because to be honest, they wanted my grandpa to pay their debt so they wouldn't lose the 2nd house they bought after he told them NOT to buy it. so.. am I wrong for being a little irritated? and WHY does everyone expect my Grandpa to pay for them? I would love for him to pay mine and my daughters way and I'm pretty sure he could, but I would rather do it myself. I mean I like when he gives me money but I don't expect him to, and I'm always grateful and deeply appreciate it when he does. but these family members don't.

well I guess that's enough ranting.. lol but you catch my drift. I hate family members that take, I mean my cousin gets a lot of help from my grandparents but she does help my grandma out a lot with errands and stuff. but i hate that people try to take but will never give. Like he expects us to give him birthday gifts but do we get gifts on our birthdays, or even a call? nope. but seriously.. I'm going to shut up about it now..