It won't matter

Things have been okay lately. Obviously by my posts, nothing really big or bad has happened. That's good obviously, I'm definitely NOT complaining. I like that things have been so smooth lately. Things still hurt and I'm still sad and angry about a lot things. How can I not be?
I've been trying not to be so emotional lately. I've been holding back a lot. It helps though. I feel better when I pretend I'm better.
but theres times when I'm sad, there's times when I'm lonely and I wish things were different. There's been moments in this pregnancy that I wish I could have shared with him. Like Friday, I wish that I could have sent him the picture of her, so he could see how beautiful she is. I wish I could have talked to him to determine who she looks like more. Of course the moment was shared with other people, they were there. I doubt he even knows that's I had a 3-d ultrasound. I doubt he'll ever even see her face, or even want to.

but here I go again.. It doesn't solve anything to dwell on it. He's not here and that's how its going to be. He doesn't care and I can't change that. So I'm going to focus on the fact that I have a beautiful baby girl in my belly, I have nice home to live in with a good family. I know he's probably having a good time while I'm sad and alone right now, but that's okay. Because I'll have the whole world in a few months and it just won't matter anymore..