I'm in this boat alone..

I really blog to much. Its kind of embarrassing. but here I go again..

so anyways. I've made the decision to let things just be. I can't control whats going on, I can't change it and I can't make it better. I can't do anything but remove myself from the bad and focus on the good. I've made myself crazy trying to make things go my way. It won't, and its time to just let it be that.
The other day I was watching that stupid Ice loves coco show, I actually do like it to be honest but that's not the point lol. Anyways, Dear Ice-T was giving a lecture on opportunities. He told some joke about a preacher who was in high waters and three boats came by to save him but he wouldn't get on the boats because he trusted God would save him. Well he drowned. When he got to heaven he asked God why he let him drown and God told him that he did try and save him, he sent him three boats and he was to dumb to take them. The reason it struck me was because in a way I feel like I've sent out boats of opportunity to him. Metaphorically speaking of course. He had the opportunity to be here, to help, to work on becoming a father. I gave him the opportunities for me to forgive him and move on. Did he take them? no.. he let them pass. I can't save him from his choices. If he wants to drown, he can. In the beginning we have the opportunity to become a family and be happy.. he jumped ship. I'm in this boat alone. I have the opportunity to raise my daughter and be a mother. I'm not going to jump ship. I'm going to keep on this boat and travel where ever I need to go.
The point is. I've let him go. I don't want to hear about him, see him, talk to him, nothing. I just want to move on and live my life. Like he was so adamant about doing. I've let him go on and live his life. that's what he wanted and that's exactly what he got. I just don't see why I cant have the same courtesy. I don't add his friends to see what hes doing, I don't know why his friends are adding me. I don't want to be rude, but why now? Why after everything? I don't need people being rude to me, I don't need the stress or drama. I don't need to know about his life. It's done, its over. It is what it is and its time to let it be that. I've surrendered to the fighting, I'm done, I give up. I'm not trying to be mean by deleting certain people, I'm just trying to protect myself. I don't need my heart breaking all the time. I don't need to see stuff. I've separated myself from him and his life. That's what he wanted, and that's what I did. I also don't need to be spied on. I'm very open and honest and I've spoke the truth. I don't feel ashamed for that. I feel bad for losing my temper a time or two, but I've somewhat apologized for that.
the point of this is to say.. I'm done. I gave him what he wanted. He won. So can I be left in peace? There's really nothing left to fight for. There's nothing left to say, there's nothing left to do. I'm not fighting anymore, I can't do it.