meh

Today I feel sad. Its nothing new really, but lately I've felt okay but today I feel sad. I'm starting to miss a lot of things I shouldn't miss. Its better to hate someone you can't have because then you don't miss them. But I can't hate, and I can't have so its hard and its making me sad. All I wanted from him was simple, it wasn't about money, it was about time, and affection. If I can't have time and affection, I don't want the money either. I don't want anything. I wasn't asking for control or really anything, because what he would give me, I would give back. I just don't understand how I wasn't good enough. I don't understand what I lack. I don't know what I did, or what I could have done to be good enough. I guess I'll never really understand and I can't fight it.