Day 19.

Nicknames I have and why I have them

• Miss Tay- My grandpa calls me this and I'm not sure why he does, he just always has. lol
• Red fox- Me and Rachel made this up at a jazz game where she actually met her fiance! Shes coco bear and the reason being is because of our hair colors first of all and second of, were strange. lol

Well I've had about a thousand more nicknames but these ones are currently in use. :)

I just want to make a brief statement. I've been complaining a lot about how people only come to me when they want favors and they expect me to drop everything and help them as soon as they ask. This wouldn't be a big deal if they were there for me when they didn't need help. well I finally said no to someone, the problem is, it kind of screwed them over. I was angry when we were talking so I didn't feel so bad but now, of course, I do. I always feel bad when I let people down, I shouldn't really because I'm let down a lot. I only agreed to help because I thought it would be at a later time. but it was at 7:15 am! first off, I'm not a morning person. second off, I live far away from this place and fuck you for thinking I would get up at 5:00 am. third off, I physically am unable to do things in the morning. I can't get up in the wee hours of the morning and just do stuff. I. just. can't. and its not because I'm being lazy. If I've told you, you know why. This person knows why. Plus everyone is being bitchy towards me about helping. Uh I'm volunteering my time and gas/money. (have you seen gas prices lately! like I said, I live far fucking away). and to mention that this place is being irresponsible by expecting people to do shit for them by here say. They never called me and told me what time they would need me. They never called to confirm me. They just told so and so to tell me to call so-so. Uh Hello.. I also have a thing called a JOB and I have shit to do every fucking day. That should be their job, to call me about volunteering and confirm it like an actual place would do. I know we all know each other well enough but if its the big deal it is, then that's how it should be done. I shouldn't have to play detective to find out what they need me to do. If they want be to be there and at a certain time, they need to call me and tell me.

I'm sorry that I'm being a bitch about all of this and maybe I'm wrong. I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of being asked to do shit and then having to go all out of my way to figure out what I need to do. I really honestly have so many other priorities right now that this whole thing is obsolete to me. Now I'm getting threatened with not being able to volunteer there anymore. Uh..okay? seriously, fuck you guys then. That's NOT my priority anymore. I can't even volunteer there anymore. I won't have the time. Its unimportant to me. I have a million bazillion other little things to worry about. and if you know my situation, you would understand. I'm not saying I'm busy because I just don't want to do it. No, I don't want to do it, but what I have going on right now has severely impacted everything. I can't physically and emotionally handle other shit right now. I can barely handle my own.

So now is when I figure out who my true Friends are. I know I'll get accused of being a shitty friend but I proved my worth a long time ago and now in my time of need I'm being shown how shitty of friends I really do have. I love my friends, yes and Its not like I expect anything from them but it would be nice to know that in my time of need they would be there. are they? no. Only a few people in my life have shown me they truly care. My friends fiance has shown that he cares about me more then some of my "friends" have. crazy huh? I just really can't take the bullshit anymore and I feel like such an asshole blogging about it but really, what else can I do?